Confessions of a Sports Blogger Heretic: I Didn’t Watch A Single Minute of the Super Bowl

I’m well aware of the fact that I’m running the risk of having a hole punched in my Sports blogger card for saying this, but the scale which could measure my indifference to last night’s Super Bowl has yet to be invented.  Don’t get me wrong, it was certainly on in my house, but it was being watched by Mrs. J-Dub.  This is the same person who crafts mini-dioramas out of Altoid cans and makes gnomes from scraps of crap. But her gift for all things crafty doesn’t hide the fact that she has a love of senseless brutality, which is why she loves football.

But to be honest, she had a limited level of interest as well.

First of all, as a dedicated fan of the New Orleans Saints, I’m not entirely sure she isn’t consider crafting some sort of explosive device to send to Kommissar Goodell as a “thank you” for that non-call at the end of the NFC Championship game.  She’d know how to do it too; in her college days, she wrote a paper on how to pull off an “Oklahoma City”- style bombing before it actually happened.

Second, she hates Tom Brady more than hangnails and paper cuts combined, and I’m pretty sure she was tuning in with the hopes of seeing the future Hall-of-Famer become a nominee for the Joe Theismann Award For Gruesome Injuries.  In fact, if you asked her to name her three greatest fellow alumni of her alma mater Purdue, she’d likely say Neil Armstrong, Drew Brees, and Bernard Pollard, the guy who shredded Tom Brady’s knee in 2008.

Lastly, Mrs. J-Dub is a faithful viewer of NBC’s “The Voice,” which is a major contributing factor in her quasi-healthy obsession with Adam Levine and Maroon 5.   This also the union point in the Venn diagram of her interest and my disinterest.  I would rather listen to a cat-fight than anything Maroon 5, especially a godawful half-time show. The cat fight would be shorter, more entertaining, yet would still be in the same pitch.

From there, I haven’t yet really nailed down why I had a such an astronomical level of apathy for this year’s “big game.” I don’t share Mrs. J-Dub’s level of hatred for Tom Brady, but is it possible I’ve got a case “Brady Burn-out?” Considering the Patriots have been in four of the last five Super Bowls, it’s certainly within the realm of possibility.  Even our own Boyd Bergquist was posed such a question in his last post.

Another potential reason is once the Super Bowl became such a colossal cultural event beyond the game itself, it really started to lose entertainment value as a sporting event. That’s probably the best explanation as to why a dedicated fan and blogger doesn’t include the Super Bowl on his list of the “high holy days” in the sporting world.

As a fan of the Philadelphia Eagles, it could also stand to reason that after my team’s 57-year long championship drought finally ended last year, perhaps this whole season has been a six-month long exercise in post-climactic sobriety. In other words, I shot my football wad, and now I just want to take a nap.

But when I apply Occam’s Razor to this discussion, the simplest and therefore most like correct argument is that the NFL simply isn’t the “must see” spectacle that it was a decade ago.  The NFL is certainly not putting the same caliber of product on the field as it was ten years ago, the league has fumble-fucked it’s way into some of the silliest rules imaginable, those rules are allegedly enforced by a group of officials who collectively are easily the worst in the “major” sports leagues, and when the NFL exploded in popularity, the intelligence level of the average football fan plummeted.  That can easily be evidenced by a) listening to how low the bar is set for discussion in any vector of American sports media, and b) talking to that guy at your office who consumes a lot of American sports media.

That’s why I won’t be tuning my radio or television to any such media toady; I already know the kind of idiotic discussions I’m going to hear.  Besides, who needs that shit anyway? In two week, I will have pitchers and catchers reporting for spring training, March Madness is right around the corner, and on top of all that, I’ve got to figure out how to eat my weight in Altoids to keep feeding Mrs. J-Dub’s crafting needs.

Given all that, who the hell needs the Super Bowl?

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About J-Dub

What your view of sports would be if you had too many concussions

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