What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
When J-Dub published the last installment in this series, I truly believed we had hit bottom in terms of stupidity in this country. After all, even if you could imagine something dumber than suntanning your butthole, why the fuck would you want to? Frankly, I thought we bottomed-out with “butt-chugging,” but what originally started as an April Fool’s gag has become an exercise in discovery. Apparently, the summit of stupidity shifted from finding new ways to destroy our buttholes to the other end of the gut pipe.
It seems dishwasher cooking is a real thing…and it has some fanatical devotees.
This was something we conceived as so utterly stupid anybody with a functioning cerebral cortex would immediately figure out it was a gag. As J-Dub would say, we couldn’t have been more wrong if we had used a fully-automated, hydraulically-activated “being wrong” machine. Seriously, some fuck-tard out there read something which was obviously a joke and took it terribly personally.
I’ll have you know that I have been cooking with my dishwasher for nearly five years now. I discovered it while listening to NPR, and once they told me how environmentally-friendly it was, I knew it was the right thing to do. What makes me the angriest is not only are you clearly making fun of those of who care about the planet, but doing so at a time when millions are dying from this virus you are taking such a cavalier attitude toward. Go put your Trump hat back on and be happy when attitudes like yours get us all killed.
J-Dub wouldn’t let me publish the name and email-address of this stupid bitch. He said as sad as it may be, there are more like her out there, and giving them publicity only makes them louder. Not knowing this moron’s identity doesn’t mean you don’t know exactly who the fuck she is. I’ve got 50 bucks says there’s one in your life. The fucking minute I saw NPR (National Public Radio), I knew exactly what I was dealing with.
The people who listen to those pudding-brains at NPR buy the stupidity they hear. Even those NPR demi-communists barely speak above a whisper because deep down in places they don’t want to admit, they how stupid some of the shit they spew is. The only people who don’t know how dumb the article is being quoted by Ms. Save Planet With The High-Temp Dry Cycle are her and dip-shits like her. I’ll show you what I’m talking about by working through that quote.
Right away, you know this woman is some kind of veggie-tard, because anybody who isn’t retarded would immediately realize the way I described for cooking meatballs would result in your dishwasher being destroyed as the filter would be more meat-clogged than Michael Moore’s aorta.
Then there’s that whole NPR thing.
Let’s call a spade a spade. If a soft-head like Alec Baldwin gets the pure comic value inherent in ANYTHING related to NPR, it’s got to be as obvious the ending of every porno ever made. If you listen to NPR or watch porn, and you don’t know what’s coming…there literally may be no hope for you.
I’m not even going to touch that “virus” comment. That “millions are dying” thing reeks of brain-damage brought on by years of eating kale and listening to shit like “Prairie Home Companion.” But I am shooting back on that “Trump hat” bullshit. I can safely assume some things about you. I would bet a paycheck you are one those yoga-pant wearing mothers I see in the supermarket whose kids are all screaming spoiled brats because you don’t discipline the little bastards and you believe in shit like “participation trophies.” Now I have no idea where you got the Trump thing out of that dishwasher gag, but I will have you know I haven’t voted in a presidential election since Walter Mondale ran against Ronald Reagan in 1984.
Then, I voted against Mondale because my Congresswoman at the time was Mondale’s running mate, so I knew Geraldine Ferraro was as much of a vapid, piece-of-shit NPR listener like you. And because you sent me this letter, I’m going to make sure I vote for Trump this time to cancel out your moronic vote for whichever communist child-molester the Democrats nominate.
So, fuck off. And when you’re done fucking off, fire up your dishwasher and make me a sandwich.
You can see all our signs we are near the end of civilization here.
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