Since we are a month past the end of the World Cup, Americans and their notoriously short attention spans have likely forgotten the insanity that was the vuvuzela. Since I want to test that short American span, I want you to remember who was stopping the insanity close to twenty years ago.

If you are fortunate enough not to remember who this spiky-headed slice of craziness was, I’m about to share my memory misery with you. Her name is Susan Powter, and she was the “Stop The Insanity” infomercial queen in the early 1990’s.

Granted, while there is nobility in helping battleship-sized women regain their humanity, there is something to be said for introducing a level of nuttiness that obviates any good you might be accomplishing. This was the position of Sepp Blatter, the FIFA president who refused to ban the patently-annoying noisemakers during the World Cup. His argument was that the cheap, annoying plastic horns were “uniquely South African,” and therefore wouldn’t be banned.

Of course, that was a complete load of bullshit. This is also where the Southeastern Conference (SEC) has shown a wonderful bit of being proactive; playing the Powter role by stopping the insanity.

As far as the SEC is concerned, the vuvuzela is noisemaker non grata. After watching how that 2-dollar plastic horn contributed to the World Cup being a disaster, the league clarified its stance on the noisemaker and it’s incessant, brain-melting buzz. See, there was some confusion about which noisemaking devices are allowed at SEC games because of the conference’s decision to allow cowbells at Mississippi State games. This lead some people to believe the patently annoying cowbells paved the way for the uber-annoying vuvuzela. SEC associate commissioner Charles Bloom would beg to differ.

“Our policy allows for ‘traditional’ artificial noisemakers to be allowed in stadiums and played during specific times. Other forms of artificial noisemakers are not allowed. I do not believe a vuvuzela is tied traditionally into one of our institutions.”

“Vuvuzelas cannot be brought into the game per policy. Cowbells, since it is traditionally tied into one of our schools, can be brought in at that school.”

See, Bloom gets what Blatter does not. A vuvuzela by definition can’t be in anybody’s tradition, because traditions are based on history. Anything that was made out of plastic 20 minutes ago has no history.

Which, oddly enough, is how most Americans feel about soccer.