Once again we arrive at the annual eye-rape that is Michigan vs. Notre Dame. Remember the good old days when this game featured two good teams? Those days may be long gone, but that doesn’t mean this game still carries meaning.

Last year, this game was just another chance for embattled Irish coach Charlie Weis to save the rolls of skin that will become available after his next obviously needed gastric bypass. Weis was supposed to ressurrect the “storied” legend of Notre Lame. He failed.  Now that fatbag gets to back to doing what he does well; pretending to be an interesting coach under the tutelage of an established legend.

Oops, my bad; Todd Haley isn’t an established legend, he’s a coaching flavor du jour whom Charlie Weis will destroy.  Much like the Kansas City Chiefs have been relegated to the backwaters of football success usually reserved for the Detroit Lions, oddly enough Notre Dame will fare little better. I’m sure Brian Kelly is a nice guy, and a qualified coach, but he’s doomed to fail.

If it weren’t for the bazillion dollars he’s getting, I’d feel sorry for him. But you can start the “Brian Kelly Death Watch” right now. Sure he’s 1-0 in his Notre Dame career, but unless he goes to a BCS bowl within three years or wins a National Championship within five, he will death-marched off to the oblivion usually reserved for ex-Notre Lame coaches. Just look at the fates that have befallen Irish coaches once they leave South Bend.

1981-1985: Gerry Faust – Compiles a somewhat shitty 43-53-3 record at Akron from 1986-1994. During that time, a Faust-led Zip team never cracks the seven-win mark.

1986-1996: Lou Holtz – Despite two Outback Bowl wins, Holtz’ tenure at South Carolina ends at 33-37. Holtz then retires again and is currently playing “Granny” in a remake of the “Beverly Hillbillies.”

1997-2001: Bob Davie – In a move that likely spelled the beginning of the end of the Irish program, Notre Lame convinces Davie to reject an offer from Purdue to come to South Bend.  Purdue instead hires Joe Tiller and in short order begins winning bowl games, a feat Davie never accomplishes. Even though Davie posted a 35-25 mark at Notre Lame, as of this writing he has not coached another down since his exile from South Bend.

2001: The George O’Leary fiasco.

2002-2004: Tyrone Willingham – When Willingham got fired for overseeing three years in the steady decline of the Irish program, there were many calls that Willingham’s firing may have been a racial issue. But being the community uniter he is, Willingham showed us that occasionally the Catholics get something right by going 11-37 in four season at Washington.  Now, if they would have only approved that Sour Cream and Onion Eucharist…

2005-2009: Charlie Weis – Oh the irony…Had it not been for Urban Meyer’s rejection of Notre Dame in favor of Florida, we may have never had to see Jabba the Weis waddling along a college sideline. Despite the fact that Weis posted a winning mark (35-27) at Notre Lame and took the Irish to two BCS games and delivered their first bowl win in 15 years, Weis single-handedly proves that the standards in South Bend are delusionally high. Time has yet to see how his exile back to the coordinator ranks in the NFL will play out, but history is not on his side.

The beauty of all this is now it’s Michigan’s turn to have the embattled coach. Granted, former Wolverine head coaches don’t end up with another coaching stint at Roast Beef State, they just die (Gary Moeller and Lloyd Carr are dead, right?). Obviously, Rich Rodriguez has a lot more pressing on his forehead than just a job.

As far as what may actually happen on Saturday is concerned, last year’s result is likely a good indicator of what we can expect. Both schools can move the football, and haven’t really shown they can stop anybody. Notre Lame benefited from a Purdue offense that really didn’t fire on all cylinders for three quarters; the one when it did, the Boilers moved the ball at will. Michigan had a similar situation with the Connecicut Huskies, but the sons of the Nutmeg State never had that quarter.

For those of you brave enough to stomach this, expect another Big 12-type “track meet” with Missouri Michigan prevailing over Baylor Notre Dame.