Regardless of what happens on football fields across America today, during the wee hours of tomorrow morning, we will engage in on of our more archaic acts of collective silliness. Twice a year we mess with the clocks, and just as often we moan about why we should stop doing it.

But we never do.

Of even less regard are the reasons why we let the cycle keep circling like those collectively-manipulated clock hands. The reality is this whole clock craziness is really just a manifestation of our collective vices. Individually, we all have at least one. But twice a year, we as a nation become an anxious mess, give into our compulsion to screw with the clocks, then promise ourselves we can stop anytime we want.

But we never do.

That’s because most of use have yet to deal with our root vice. Here at Dubsism, I’m all about the gambling. Rather than “dealing with it,” I’ve leaned in. That’s why I keep coming back to this challenge, despite the fact Week 8 saw me take another haircut, dropping the season total to $4,988…marking the first time the J-Dub Gambling Challenge Bankroll has balanced below the original $5K.

As for what happens on Saturday…only time will tell. But we all know what we’ll be doing Sunday morning…besides telling ourselves we need to stop.

But we never do.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):

Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.

That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.

If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.

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The Standard Plays

• Army at Air Force (-1) O/U 49 $50 Air Force
• Vanderbilt at Texas (-3) O/U 47 $75 Vanderbilt
• Rutgers at Illinois (-13) O/U 62.5 $500 Illinois
• Penn State at Ohio State (-19) O/U 45 $250 Ohio State, $250 Over
• Fresno State at Boise State (-17.5) O/U 50.5 $100 Boise State
• Indiana (-21) at Maryland O/U 50.5 $100 Indiana, $100 Over
• Oklahoma State at Kansas (-24.5) O/U 53 $50 Kansas $50 Over
• South Carolina at Mississippi (-12.5) O/U 55.5 $150 Mississippi
• Oklahoma at Tennessee (-3) O/U 55 $100 Tennessee
• Cincinnati at Utah (-10) 55.5 $75 Cincinnati, $75 Over

The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet

Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…

Purdue at Michigan (-21) O/U 49 $100 Under

The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week

Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.

Notre Dame (-28.5) at Boston College O/U 52.5 $100 Over

The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:

We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Miami (FL) Hurricanes.

Louisville at Virginia Tech (-10.5) O/U 53 $150 Louisville

J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:

It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”

Georgia (-7) at Florida O/U 50.5 $1,000 Georgia

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