Rest assured, Viking fans. Just when you thought the saga of King Brett I was too much for you to take, purple nostalgia comes to the rescue. You can now buy the “Whizzinator” made famous by former Viking Onterrio Smith.

SHAKOPEE, Minn. – The infamous Whizzinator is among several personal belongings of former Minnesota Vikings running back Onterrio Smith received by an auction house in Shakopee, Minnesota. The Shakopee Auction House received the property from an abandoned storage locker that held Smith’s belongings. Smith failed to clear his bills and never claimed the property, so it is now up for auction.

For those of you who don’t remember, Onterrio Smith was selected by the Vikings from the University of Oregon in the 4^th round (105^th overall) in the 2003 NFL Draft by the Minnesota Vikings. Smith had such a keen sense of public relations he thought would be a good idea to announce his presence in a city populated largely by phlegmatic Scandinavians by shaving the letters “S.O.D.” (an acronym for his proclamation that he was the “steal of the draft”) into his hair.

Normally, Minnesotans are disdainful of such bravado, but they will forgive it if one backs it up on the field. Smith’s sojourn through the NFL survived just three seasons, two being active and one while suspended. “The Whizzer’s” career for the at-the-time-running-back-depleted Vikings took two seasons to amass 1123 rushing yards and seven touchdowns. Sadly, this was the best the Vikings had at the time.

It is 2005 that has indelibly etched Smith into Purple lore.  In May of that year, “The Whizzer” was detained at the Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport after bagagge screeners caught him carrying dried urine and a “mysterious” device that was later identified as a Whizzinator, which is a kit including a fake penis used to beat drug tests. Of course, a guy looking for ways to beat a drug test is a likely candidate to violate the NFL’s substance abuse policy, which is what happened in June of 2005. Since this was Smith’s third offense, he was suspended for the entirety of the 2005 season, Sadly, the “S.O.D.” era ended three days before the 2006 draft when Smith was released by the Vikings.

But fear not, Viking fans. Although The Whizzinator sold for $750 dollars, like all collectibles, they are bought to be sold. Besides, the Whizzinator was not the only thing put up for public auction, so you still have a chance to own a piece of this magical era of Purple history.

Other items found in the storage locker include letters sent to the NFL following the Whizzinator incident, Smith’s Vikings warm-up jersey, receiver’s gloves and scouting tapes. Another one of the more interesting items up for auction is a 2005 Minnesota Vikings playbook. Vikings spokesman Bog Hagen said the team is not concerned about the playbook since it came from the Mike Tice era in Minnesota. Smith’s arrest came before head coach Brad Childress and offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell came to the Vikings. Friday, Childress said the 2005 playbook would be good “as a doorstop.”

Of course, the same can be said of the 2006, 2007, and 2008 playbooks as well, given how well they worked. But more importantly, this marks the first time the Vikings have has such trouble getting rid of a dildo since Mike Tice.