Regular readers of this blog know this series is dedicated to my amateur status as a professional gambler. Those same people would also be willing to bet you that whole mess at Michigan is going to end up in my annual recap of the year’s most important sports stories.

That’s why today I’m addressing a far more important issue. Just how much of my money is Michigan going to steal this year? The Wolverines have been a safe bet all season long. That was until they couldn’t cover against Purdue…a team that can’t even cover it’s mouth when it barfs.

Here’s a question for any of you remaining Alanis Morrissette fans. Isn’t it ironic that Michigan had to puke up a sure cover the first time I backed them this year? Maybe there’s something suspect about a team that really hasn’t played anybody better than than UNLV? Maybe that’s why this week’s line against Penn State started far too low, and still cratered down to Michigan (-1).

Depending on what happens this afternoon (as of Noon E.T. Friday, rumors are the B1G Ten is about to drop the hammer on Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh) just about anything is possible, but I’m pretty sure that “Screech’s Cousin” from Saved By The Bell will find a way to get me sent to Mr. Belding’s office.

There’s an old saying about “counting chickens before they hatch.” As I gambler, I’m counting them while they’re still mine. Michigan is going to be in games that matter from here on out, and the combination of “Screech’s Cousin” and bookies who can smell blood means there’s just no telling how long I’ll have them.

Last week, I survived the Gales of November on a raft of $740, which makes the season total $9,143; up from the original $5K…at least for now.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):

Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.

That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.

If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.

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The Standard Plays

• Georgia Tech at Clemson (-13.5) O/U 55 $100 Georgia Tech
• Kansas (-4.5) at Texas Tech O/U 62.5 $100 Kansas, $100 Over
• Alabama (-9.5) at Kentucky O/U 49 $50 Alabama, $50 Over
• Indiana at Illinois (-7) O/U 44 $75 Indiana, $75 Under
• Michigan (-1) at Penn State O/U 44 $100 Penn State
• Miami (FL) at Florida State (-15.5) O/U 50 $150 Florida State
• Pittsburgh at Syracuse (-3.5) O/U 43.5 $75 Syracuse
• Oklahoma State (-3.5) at Central Florida O/U 61.5 $150 Oklahoma State
• Tennessee (-1) at Missouri O/U 58.5 $50 Missouri, $50 Over
• Auburn at Arkansas (-2.5) O/U 46.5 $100 Arkansas
• West Virginia at Oklahoma (-13) O/U 60.5 $250 Oklahoma
• Mississippi at Georgia (-19.5) O/U 59 $50 Georgia, $50 Under
• Texas (-9.5) at Texas Christian O/U 54.5 $100 Texas
• Florida at Louisiana State (-13.5) O/U 62.5 $100 Louisiana State
• Michigan State at Ohio State (-21.5) O/U 46.5 $100 Ohio State, $100 Over
• Duke at North Carolina (-14.5) O/U 50.5 $100 Duke
• Southern California at Oregon (-4.5) O/U 73.5 $200 Oregon

The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet

Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…

Minnesota (-2.5) at Purdue (O/U 44.5) $25 Minnesota

The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week

Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.

Rutgers at Iowa (-5.5) O/U 28.5 $50 Under

The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:

We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Washington Huskies.

Utah at Washington (-3.5) O/U 61.5 $50 Washington

J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:

It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”

Arizona (-7.5) at Colorado O/U 57.5 $500 Arizona

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