Nobody appreciates gambling quite like a golfer. They also understand hitting another ball after your first slices into the woods. The very same Judge Smails shown below didn’t hit a “mulligan” after his errant tee shot, but he sure as hell uses his “foot wedge.”
That’s really where the J-Dub Gambling Challenge Bankroll landed after the slightest appetizer served up by Week One. Thanks to the majority of Florida State – Georgia Tech being mired in an Irish monsoon, the season total landed in the rough to the tune of -$258, leaving the Bankroll at $4,743; down from the original $5K.
But last week is quasi-officially known as “Week Zero” in the parlance of the Twelve Greatest Saturdays of the Year, even though the college football season is now much longer. Either way, that merely means there’s plenty of time of more golf and movie jokes…and for the bankroll to find it’s way back to the fairway.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.
That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.
The Standard Plays
- Florida Atlantic at Michigan State (-11.5) O/U 45 $25 Florida Atlantic
- Texas Christian (-9) at Stanford O/U 60 $50 Texas Christian
- Clemson at Georgia (-13.5) O/U 48.5 $50 Georgia, $50 Under
- Penn State (-8.5) at West Virginia O/U 51.5 $75 Penn State
- Miami (FL) (-2.5) at Florida O/U 54 $50 Florida
- Colorado State at Texas (-32) O/U 59 $50 Over
- Florida International at Indiana (-21.5) O/U 51.5 $50 Over
- Notre Dame at Texas A&M (-3) O/U 46.5 $75 Texas A&M
- Southern California at Louisiana State (-4.5) O/U 64.5 $100 Over
The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet
Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…
Indiana State st Purdue (-33.5) O/U 48.5 $50 Indiana State
The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week
Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.
Akron at Ohio State (-48.5) O/U 60.5 $25 Akron
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Michigan Wolverines.
Fresno State at Michigan (-21) O/U 45.5 $50 Michigan
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”
Miami (OH) at Northwestern (-3) O/U 39.5 $100 Northwestern, $100 Under
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