A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, your blog-gambler worked in a blood bank. Even then, I found “bank” to be a curious term. While a blood bank is a depository for that vital red stuff, it doesn’t dispense it quite like a bank. You can’t just walk in and apply for a loan, and as far as I know, nobody has ever robbed a blood bank.
For gamblers, the long-running joke (used below in our standard disclaimer) is that a bad weekend of gambling can lead to a Monday morning at the plasma center. Well, in the face of our national blood shortage, it was high time I rolled up my sleeve. Granted, the USC Trojans acting like a busted condom against Minnesota had a lot to do with my new-found sense of civic duty…as did the fact that after the carnage of Week 7, I needed the cookies, juice, and 25 bucks.
More importantly, the blood shortage in this country is a real thing, so if you are able, please follow Pete Townshend’s supplication. It’s realities like that which make my Week 7 loss of $645 insignificant in the grand scheme of the human condition. Not to mention, even after this recent red blood-letting, the J-Dub Gambling Challenge bankroll is still in the black with a season total of $5,603…up from the original $5K.
But in all seriousness…if you can, give blood.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.
That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.
The Standard Plays
- Utah (-3.5) at Arizona State O/U 45 $100 Utah
- Alabama-Birmingham at Army (-26.5) O/U 55 $25 Army, $25 Under
- South Carolina at Alabama (-21) O/U 50.5 $100 Alabama
- Washington at Iowa (-2.5) O/U 42 $200 Iowa
- Wisconsin at Rutgers (-2.5) O/U 39.5 $75 Rutgers, $75 Over
- San Diego State (-2) at Wyoming O/U 42 $50 Wyoming
- Penn State (-5) at Southern California O/U 52.5 $100 Penn State, $100 Under
- Florida at Tennessee (-15.5) O/U 55.5 $50 Florida, $50 Under
- Mississippi (-4.5) at Louisiana State O/U 62 $75 Louisiana State
- Ohio State (-3.5) at Oregon O/U 53.5 $100 Oregon
- Vanderbilt at Kentucky (-13.5) O/U 44.5 $100 Kentucky
- Iowa State (-3) at West Virginia O/U 53 $100 West Virginia
The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet
Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…
Purdue at Illinois (-20.5) O/U 48.5 $200 Illinois
The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week
Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.
Mississippi State at Georgia (-34) O/U 51.5 $50 Over
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Texas Longhorns.
Texas (-14.5) at Oklahoma O/U 50.5 $50 Over
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”
Arizona at Brigham Young (-3) O/U 49 $500 Brigham Young
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