There was a time before my diabetes and Biden-omics in general this country had good, cheap wine. I don’t mean that that fortified shit found at gas stations that only college kids and winos chug. I mean decent wine you could buy in a store that also sold proper accoutrements like brie and table crackers.

The loss was lamentable because after last week’s wipe-out, I could have used a bottle of “Two Buck Chuck;” it’s all I could afford. After hauling in $1,090 in Week 10, I almost gave it all back in Week 11. The J-Dub Gambling Challenge bankroll got grape-stomped for $1,088…giving back all but two bucks.

At least the season total isn’t in the red yet; standing at $5.220 from the original $5K. But another week like the last and damn the diabetes…I’ll be hitting a cheap red hard.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):

Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.

That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.

If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.

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The Standard Plays

• Florida at Texas (-21.5) O/U 48 $50 Texas
• Miami (FL) (-11) at Georgia Tech O/U 63.5 $100 Miami (FL), $100 Under
• Iowa State (-3) at Kansas O/U 50 $200 Iowa State
• Clemson (-6.5) at Virginia Tech O/U 51 $100 Clemson, $100 Over
• Michigan at Indiana (-14) O/U 48.5 $150 Under
• Colorado (-3.5) at Texas Tech O/U 62.5 $250 Colorado
• South Carolina (-3.5) at Vanderbilt O/U 46 $100 South Carolina, $100 Over
• Oklahoma State at Texas Christian (-11.5) O/U 66.5 $100 Texas Christian
• Oklahoma (-3) at Missouri O/U 41.5 $75 Oklahoma, $75 Under
• Virginia at Pittsburgh (-6.5) O/U 57.5 $150 Pittsburgh
• Brigham Young (-3.5) at Utah O/U 40.5 $200 Brigham Young
• Washington at Penn State (-13.5) O/U 46.5 $100 Penn State, $100 Over
• Utah State at Washington State (-19.5) O/U 70 $200 Washington State

The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet

Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…

Purdue at Ohio State (-38) O/U 51* $50 Over

* – Normally, this would qualify as the Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week, but a feature bet is a feature bet.

The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week

Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.

Florida State at Notre Dame (-26) O/U 42.5 $100 Notre Dame, $100 Over

The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:

We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Georgia Bulldogs.

Georgia (-2.5) at Mississippi O/U 55 $250 Under

J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:

It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”

West Virginia at Cincinnati (-3.5) O/U 55 $500 Cincinnati

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