Each week, the J-Dub Gambling Challenge has a theme, some sort of cheap premise as an accoutrement the the standard gambling fare; the cheese to go with a good wine if you will. Last week’s theme was exactly that being centered on wine. Part of that piece was a lament over a recent losing streak bringing the bankroll down to the point only being able to afford “Two Buck Chuck.”
Despite that lament, last week’s results have us now stealing gas station wine. Going into the Quik-E-Rob Mart at 2:30 a.m. is an exercise in realizing the guy behind the counter doesn’t give a fuck what you do so long as a) he doesn’t have to clean it up or b) you’re not holding a sawed-off 12-gauge. That means you’re ironically always only one value judgement from a free respite from all your other shame-based downward spirals.
So, unless you’re as dense as a Democrat trying to figure out why you just got Trump-zilla stomped, you already know what happened. The J-Dub Gambling Challenge bankroll is on yet another fortified wine hangover, this time for $375. As feared from last week’s theme, the season total is now in the red at $4,845 from the original $5K.
Next stop: supermarket-brand mouthwash and fighting over the least piss-stained raincoat at the Salvation Army.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.
That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.
The Standard Plays
- Texas (-12) at Arkansas O/U 57.5 $100 Texas
- Utah at Colorado (-11) O/U 45 $150 Colorado, $150 Over
- Clemson (-12.5) at Pittsburgh O/U 52.5 $50 Pittsburgh, $50 Under
- Michigan State at Illinois (-2.5) O/U 47.5 $300 Illinois, $300 Over
- Louisiana State (-4.5) at Florida O/U 55 $50 Florida
- Boston College at Southern Methodist (-9) O/U 54 $100 Southern Methodist
- Nebraska at Southern California (-7) O/U 51 $150 Southern California
- Missouri at South Carolina (-13.5) O/U 43.5 $75 South Carolina
- Tennessee at Georgia (-9.5) O/U 47 $75 Under
- Cincinnati at Iowa State (-7.5) O/U 52 $100 Iowa State
The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet
Since I live in the heart of Big18Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…
Penn State (-27) at Purdue O/U 51 $200 Penn State, $200 Under
The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week
Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.
Ohio State (-28) at Northwestern O/U 44 $75 Ohio State
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Mississippi Rebels.
Mississippi is idle this week.
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”
Kansas at Brigham Young (-2.5) O/U 57.5 $1,000 Brigham Young
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