The name Louis Burton Lindley, Jr. may not immediately spring from your memory, but if you are a classic film buff like me, you sure as shit know who Slim Pickens was. Probably one of the most recognizable “cowboys” in movie history, Pickens became an icon with his portrayal of B-52 pilot Major Kong in Doctor Strangelove.

At first glance, one could easily think this week’s theme contains some sort of allegory between staggering gambling losses and dropping yourself along with 10 megatons of thermonuclear fury onto the missile complex at Krasnoyarsk.

That would be incorrect.

If for no other reason, the J-Dub Gambling Challenge Bankroll hauled in a net of $325in Week 2 to bring the season total to $5,303…up from the original 5K. In actuality, this week’s theme is more in reference to the scant opportunities Week 3 presents for some serious winners.

But if you know me or have another degenerate gambler in your orbit, you know bets are going to be placed.

It’s what’s we do.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):

Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.

That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.

If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.

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The Standard Plays

• Baylor at Southern Methodist (-2.5) O/U 64.5 $50 Southern Methodist
• Iowa at Iowa State (-3.5) O/U 43.5 $100 Under
• Illinois (-3) at Duke O/U 49.5 $150 Illinois
• Kansas at Missouri (-6.5) O/U 51 $75 Missouri
• Army at Kansas State (-17) O/U 46.5 $100 Army, $100 Under
• Michigan at Oklahoma (-6) O/U 45 $50 Oklahoma, $50 Under
• Sam Houston State at Hawaii (-7) O/U 47.5 $100 Hawaii
• Stanford at Brigham Young (-20.5) O/U 46 $75 Brigham Young, $75 Over

The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet

Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…

Southern Illinois at Purdue (-19.5) O/U 51.5 $100 Purdue

The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week

Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.

Kent State at Texas Tech (-48) O/U 58.5 $50 Over

The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:

We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Florida Gators.

South Florida at Florida (-17.5) O/U 56 $50 Florida, $50 Under

J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:

It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”

Connecticut at Syracuse (-5.5) O/U 58.5 $500 Syracuse

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P.S. For the film buffs, Slim checks in at #22 on my list of favorite actors.

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