When you have a blogger who is also a former bookie and once-upon-a-time history teacher, strange comparisons like this are to be expected. More importantly,  they might even make sense.

One of the pivotal campaigns of the early Napoleonic Wars, the Battle of Austerlitz in 1805 is widely held as the classic modern example of a battle of annihilation. When you stop to consider the Latin root words forming the English verb “annihilation;” the Latin ad (“to”) and nihil (“nothing”) combine to mean “to reduce to nothing.”

Much like Week 2’s early gambling wins, Napoleon’s victory at Austerlitz made annihilation one of his “go-to” battle plans. It wasn’t until the Battle of Borodino when despite scoring a tactical victory, Napoleon’s strategic failure to destroy the Russian army would prove costly.

And it’s cost which brings us to comparison. The J-Dub Gambling Challenge Bankroll suffered its own annihilation, getting sacked Borodino-style to a net loss of $1,050 in Week. While that dropped the season total to $5,210… which despite the loss is still ahead of where Napoleon found himself after his encounter with the Duke of Wellington a decade later.

Speaking of which, let’s just hope Week 4 isn’t a Waterloo. After all, annihilation and gambling go hand-in-hand.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):

Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.

That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.

If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.

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The Standard Plays

• North Texas (-2.5) at Army O/U 50.5 $100 Army
• Nevada-Las Vegas (-2.5) Miami (OH) O/U 49.5 $250 Nevada-Las Vegas
• Southern Methodist at Texas Christian (-7) O/U 64.5 Southern Methodist
  $50 Southern Methodist, $50 Under
• Texas Tech at Utah (-3) O/U 57.5 $50 Utah
• Syracuse at Clemson (-16.5) O/U 55.5 $75 Syracuse, $75 Over
• Oregon State at Oregon (-35) O/U 55.5 $100 Over
• Tulane at Mississippi (-9.5) O/U 61 $100 Mississippi, $100 Over
• South Carolina at Missouri (-10) O/U 48 $100 South Carolina
• Brigham Young at East Carolina (-5.5) O/U 49.5 $200 Brigham Young
• Illinois at Indiana (-5.5) O/U 52.5 $150 Illinois

The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet

Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…

Purdue at Notre Dame (-24.5) O/U 54.5 $100 Purdue

The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week

Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.

Kent State at Florida State (-45.5) O/U 54 $50 Over

The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:

We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Miami (FL) Hurricanes.

Florida at Miami (FL) (-6.5) O/U 50.5 $250 Miami (FL)

J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:

It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”

Auburn at Oklahoma (-4.5) O/U 49 $1,000 Oklahoma

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