Nine Things We’ve Learned From The First Two Weeks of College Football 2010
1) The ACC sucks. When the class of this league all gets beat on one weekend, including a Georgia Tech loss to a sinking Kansas program, and Virginia Tech spitting the bit against James Madison, it is getting safe to say whoever this conference puts in the BCS will be sure to treat us to a 30-point loss. The performances of Florida State and Miami at Oklahoma and Ohio State respectively underscore that.
Dear Virginia Tech: When you can't beat a president who has been dead for over 150 years...
2) South Carolina is a legitimate threat to win the SEC East. We’ve all been waiting to see what would happen when Steve Spurrier finally got a quarterback in Columbia; combine that with the facts that Florida has serious problems on offense, Tennessee flat-out sucks, and the Gamecocks have already beaten Georgia, and Spurrier’s side seems to have the inside track to the SEC Championship game.
3) Notre Dame is a fraud, Michigan will have to wait a bit before they are exposed as one. Sure, Michigan’s quarterback Denard Robinson is a stud, but he is the entire Wolverine offense. Contain him, and the Wolvies become as toothless as they have been the past two years. The talk of Notre Dame winning eight or nine games needs to be over now. It’s entirely possible the Irish don’t win again until they host Western Michigan.
4) Speaking of Notre Dame, Joe Montana’s kid is terrible.
Nate Montana bears a striking resemblance to his father until he picks up a football.
After quarterback Dayne Crist’s mysterious eye injury, Nate Montana completed 8 unremarkable passes, nine if you include the interception that got him yanked. I hope you saw him on Saturday, because legacy or not, he ain’t seeing the field again for quite some time. He stares down recievers, he was completely inffectual moving the offense, which is really the reason why he’s the third-stringer.
5) Penn State’s Rookie Quarterback Will Be Very Good…Someday. Robert Bolden showed flashes of greatness; he also threw two terrible interception. But, he’s a true freshman; right now he barely knows how to pee with out help. But that will change. When it does, he is going to have a very deep stable of running backs like Silas Redd to make the future in Happy Valley so bright JoePa may need to go back to the Transistions lenses.
Ehhh...sure is bright in here. Is that Cappeletti?
6) It’s never to early to start a Coaches’ Death Watch. The three most likely guys feeling the heat under their kiesters at BCS schools are Ron Zook at Illinois, Dan Hawkins at Colorado, and Rich Rodriguez at Michigan. Although, after this week I think one may one may safely add Tim Brewster from Minnesota (losing to FCS South Dakota when the boosters are expecting a good bowl game since they are only a year removed from building first-class facilities) and Brian Kelly at Notre Dame. Sure I understand Kelly is only on his second game on the South Bend sideline, but let’s face it; expectations are so stupidly-high in South Bend even Jesus himself would onnly get three years to be in a BCS game…and he better win it, otherwise Notre Dame becomes גבירתנו של כסף overnight.
7) Dan Dierking is the most interesting player you’ve never heard of.
Dan Dierking rushed for 102 yards and two touchdowns to help Purdue beat Western Illinois 31-21 on Saturday in its home opener. Dierking has really stepped for the Boilermakers in the absence of Ralph Bolden. In all honesty, there are some legitimate concerns with the Purdue offense, but Dierking isn’t one of them. This shouldn’t come as a surprise; his father Scott was one of Purdue’s best backs during his days in West Lafayette in the 70’s. Bloodlines aside, how can you not love a 5’9″ 190-pound kid who benches a “clean” 435, can run between the tackles, return kicks, and pees on the sidelines?
8 ) “Shower Discipline.” Really?
I thought this was a gag. But then I saw it involves Tennessee, and all surprise left me. It seems that a staph infection outbreak among several Vol football players left coach Derek Dooley with no option other than to conduct a team-wide clinic on proper showering technique and hygiene. I have to give Dooley credit here; he actually got these words out of his mouth while keeping a straight face:
“We’ve had a few staph infections, so we did a clinic yesterday on proper shower technique and soap and using a rag, Dooley said. We put some new rags in — y’all think I’m kidding, but I’m serious. We had, I told them, the worst shower discipline of any team I’ve ever been around. So we talked a little bit about application of soap to the rag and making sure you hit all your body. You know, you can neglect it trying to cut corners, and it shows in how you practice and elsewhere. I’m hoping we show some improvement in that.”
Oh, the questions this raises…How bad at showering and cleaning yourself do you have to be before your coach intervenes? Don’t you think that hygiene issues would have become very apparent during the two-a-day workouts? Did the Volunteers actually hire Bart Simpson as a training consultant for this exercise? Just what exactly is “shower discipline?” And after seeing pictures like this, are staph infections all Tennessee should be worried about?
9) We can dramtically simplify the Top 25 Rankings.
- Alabama
- Ohio State
- Everybody else
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