Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: Terrell Owens Hires “Find-A-Date”

So, a professional athlete who is worth millions of dollars can’t get a woman. That officially makes going to the gym today exceptionally pointless. If T.O.’s washboards abs and seven-figure salary can’t get him laid, why the hell am I killing myself on the Stairmaster?

Flamboyant footballer Terrell Owens has tapped a matchmaking service to help him find love. Outspoken Owens, who’s been linked to model Jessica White, has hired Kelleher International to help find a main squeeze who looks like bodacious Kim Kardashian — “who I happen to think is gorgeous,” he said. Kelleher, run by mother and daughter team Jill and Amber Kelleher, has 18 international offices and charges clients anywhere from $15,000 to $150,000.

Screw it. I’m getting a case of beer, sending out for pizza, and contemplating why I shouldn’t shoot myself in the face.

About J-Dub

What your view of sports would be if you had too many concussions

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