What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
I’ll give you the moral of this story up front. This is what happens when a die-hard Penn State fan marries into a decidedly Boilermaker family. Not only is my wife a Purdue alum, her father is a chemistry professor at Giant Drum A&M. If that weren’t enough, the wedding was being held literally within a PGA-length golf course distance of the Purdue campus.
In other words, I’m a dyed-in-the-wool Nittany Lion playing a road game in the heart of Boilermaker country. However, this does not deter me from having my football idol present on the day that promises to end my life as I know it. Being that my wife wanted a fall wedding (we’ll discuss later how freakin’ stupid I am for marrying a woman who wanted to get married on a FOOTBALL WEEKEND!!!), since we are in the greater Lafayette metroplex, we had to schedule these festivities around the Boilermaker football schedule. This also means that even in the unlikely event the Joe Paterno accepted the invitation I sent, he wouldn’t be able to attend as he would have his own game to worry about.
It didn’t matter, I would not be deterred.
One of the central components of the wedding is that we were going to stick to an exceptionally reasonable budget. Part of that strategy was I used a graphic design program to make all of the printed materials for the wedding, such as the invitations, RSVP cards, and the programs. I knew this was my shot. As I was creating these materials, it was obvious that for JoePa to be present, I would have to sneak his image into one of these documents. The wedding program was the obvious choice; the invitation offered too much time for a large number of people to scrutinize, and therefore rat me out. After all, stealth was the key to success. Plus, the program is the document which would be present in large numbers on the wedding day.
This meant hiding a picture somewhere. I made the decision that given a common theme of all these printed wedding materials was a floral pattern, I decided I would create a border pattern disguised to be floral in nature. Pay attention to the green, patterned band at the bottom.
The subterfuge was a complete success. Nobody was the wiser…until the day about a month after the wedding when I confessed. What fun would it have been had I not let my wife in on how I injected the essence of winning into our day to counteract the inherent Purdue-iness of it all?