What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
Normally, there’s some sort of narrative acting a prelude to what is really just an exercise in degenerate gambling. But in an homage to George Orwell totalitarian meister-werk “1984,” this is week is “Hate Week.” The difference is that in the Dubsism world of college football, “Hate Week” isn’t about Emmanuel Goldstein, Eurasia, or the war on the Malabar Front. It’s all about Ohio Fucking State.
This happens every time J-Dub’s Nittany Lions face the boys from Columbus. J-Dub’s love of Ohio State stems from a trip to Ohio State when after a 13-9 Penn State victory, a situation began with a Buckeye fan throwing beer on J-Dub, and ended with that guy’s front teeth embedded in J-Dub’s fist.
That means this episode is going to be largely about gambling, and trashing Ohio State. Since they say a picture is worth a thousand words, here’s a few grand worth of pure hate.
Standard “Hate Week” sort of stuff. Your school isn’t very good. Check.
Remember the good old days under Jim Tressel when the Buckeyes changed their helmet stickers?
Before any of you Buckeye fans think about going into “Sandusky” territory, don’t forget this video exists.
Face it. Even Quentin Tarantino knew in “Inglorious Basterds” what kind of people are Ohio State fans.
Oh…as for the bank roll, it took another hit last week, but not nearly as bad as it could have been considering the J-Dub Payday of the Week is on a streak colder than Walt Disney’s cryogenic vault. We only dropped $38, which was a small price to pay to discover that the Trojans of Southern California are a far bigger dumpster fire that we ever could have imagined. Just think, right now Lane Kiffin is taking Florida Atlantic to a conference title in his first year, and both Tennessee and Southern Cal are taking on water faster than the Lusitania.
In the immortal words of Jimbo Jones from The Simpsons – “I don’t believe in nothin’ no more…I’m going to law school.”
Having said that, let’s get ready to gamble…
DISCLAIMER: Because gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir… and when it comes to gambling, I slice like Jack the Ripper working the deli coumter on crystal meth. That’s why this in no way, shape or form is a gambling advice column, and all “bets” are mythical in nature. In other words, don’t come crying to me when you lose your house payment betting real money like I’m “betting” Monopoly money.
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
Miami (FL) (-20.5) at North Carolina O/U 54.5 $50 Over
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
Penn State at Ohio State (-6.5) O/U 57.5
$250 Penn State
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If you had money on Coach Mac getting fired, then you, sir, are the big winner.
Along with everyone else in Gainesville, Florida.
Honestly, I had McElwain as third in the SEC Fired Sweepstakes behind Butch Jones and Bret Bielema.