The J-Dub Gambling Challenge 2022: The FC Twente Edition

The former Dubsism contributor the late Jason From Indiana (JFI) had a habit of finding odd cross-sport parlays. These were the kind which had high payouts from being a mash-up of two American events and an offering from one of the European soccer leagues. Obviously, the books knew the best way to skin the gambling Yank was to lure them with the big-money payouts inherent in the lie that is a parlay, make them over-confident with the sucker-bait of a too-good-to-be true lines on the American side (Detroit at Tampa Bay and the Bucs are only giving four!?!?!). Then comes the gut-punch…the American who knows nothing about European football has to bet on it.

Of course, they aren’t making it easy. That line for the soccer-blind American won’t involve one of the “big” clubs who might sound familiar; there’s not going to be any Liverpool or Barcelona on the board. The Yanks who has visions of the parlay pot o’ gold gets the likes Dutch side FC Twente. But the JFIs of the world can’t resist the temptation. So, they take a stab, lay their twenty on Twente, and as one would expect…the bleeding begins.

P.T. Barnum wasn’t a bookie, but he had the concept nailed; fools and their money are indeed soon parted. Sucking in the sucker is the name of the game, it doesn’t matter whether it’s this side of the Atlantic or that; whether your football is this one or that. What does matter is the first week of the college football season is a lot like that sucker parlay…for both sides.

The pro books spend the majority of their time handicapping the major money-maker, the NFL. That means they have their “B” team setting lines for the slim pickings that is the pre-Labor Day opener of the college game. That also means guys like me know there some serious paydays in those lines. The problem is the visions of dollars dancing in our heads blind us to all the UNLVs Twentes of the world.

In other words, that’s how a schedule which seemed to be nothing but solid “bank” ended up netting me a scant twenty bucks. Granted, it’s still a win, and winning is always better than losing. That never changes. Another constant is that gambling doesn’t care about geography…winning and losing is all that matters. But when what separates the two is as thin as a legal tender portrait of Andrew Jackson…well, you could say the difference is twenty of one and Twente of the other.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):

Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.

That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.

If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.

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The Standard Plays

• West Virginia at Pittsburgh (-6.5) O/U 51 $100 Pittsburgh
• Louisiana Tech at Missouri (-20) O/U 60.5 $50 Louisiana Tech
• Illinois at Indiana (-3) O/U 45.5 $50 Indiana, $ 50 Under
• Texas Christian (-10.5) at Colorado O/U 55.5 $25 Texas Christian, $25 Over
• North Carolina at Appalachian State PICK O/U 58 $50 Appalachian State
• North Carolina State (-11) at East Carolina O/U 55 $50 North Carolina State
• Oregon at Georgia (-18) O/U 51.5 $200 Georgia
• Tulsa (-4) at Wyoming O/U 44 $100 Wyoming
• Louisville (-4) at Syracuse O/U 58 $150 Louisville
• Brigham Young (-11.5) at South Florida O/U 58 $50 Brigham Young
• Utah at Florida (-2.5) O/U 51 $50 Utah, $50 Over
• Notre Dame at Ohio State (-17.5) O/U 59.5 $100 Over
• Memphis at Mississippi State (-15.5) O/U 57 $150 Mississippi State
• Florida State at Louisiana State (-3) O/U 51.5 $75 Louisiana State

The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet

Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…

Penn State (-3) at Purdue O/U 53 $50 Purdue

The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:

We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Baylor Bears.

Albany at Baylor (OFF)

J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:

It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”

Cincinnati at Arkansas (-5.5) O/U 52 $250 Arkansas

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