English author Rudyard Kipling is credited with the saying “only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun.” English rocker Joe Cocker once released a live album titled “Mad Dogs and Englishmen.” Even though I lived in England for a time, I cannot speak to their proclivities for rabies and/or sunburn. But I am a gambler, which means I am well-versed in being roasted by “road dogs.”

There are plenty of gamblers in this world who avoid road underdogs like they carry the bubonic plague. Granted, if there ever were a sport where “home field advantage” is a discernable “thing,” it would be college football. But as any gambler knows, the entire reason why Vegas sets lines is to balance the action. In other words, the are the modern day siren luring the gambler to the island of death.

The secret to gambling is to know when the siren’s call covers a “road dog” who will do just that. Last week, I went hard on such dogs…with mixed results. The J-Dub Gambling took a hit of $48, which leaves the season total at $5,788, which is still up from the original $5K. That’s not much when viewed as a whole, but as you will see, I’ve fallen for the call of some “road dogs” again this week. Only time will tell if I end up with rabies.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):

Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.

That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.

If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.

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The Standard Plays

• Florida State at Clemson (-3) O/U 55.5 $100 Florida State
• Army at Syracuse (-13) O/U 50.5 $25 Army, $25 Under
• Oklahoma (-13.5) at Cincinnati O/U 60.5 $200 Oklahoma
• Southern Methodist at Texas Christian (-4.5) O/U 64 $50 Texas Christian
• Auburn at Texas A&M (-6) O/U 54.5 $50 Auburn, $50 Under
• Brigham Young at Kansas (-8.5) O/U 55.5 $100 BYU
• UCLA at Utah (-8) O/U 48.5 $25 Utah, $25 Over
• Colorado at Oregon (-19.5) O/U 71 $100 Colorado
• Maryland (-6.5) at Michigan State O/U 55.5 $100 Maryland, $100 Under
• Oregon State (-6.5) at Washington State O/U 56 $150 Oregon State
• Arkansas at Louisiana State (-12.5) O/U 55.5 $50 Arkansas
• Texas (-8) at Baylor O/U 52 $200 Texas
• Ohio State (-7.5) at Notre Dame O/U 52 $75 Over
• Iowa at Penn State (-10) O/U 41.5 $50 Iowa, $50 Under
• Southern California (-14) at Arizona State O/U 61 $100 Southern California

The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet

Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…

Wisconsin (-7.5) at Purdue O/U 53.5 $25 Purdue, $25 Under

The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week

Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.

Alabama-Birmingham at Georgia (-39) O/U 54.5 $25 Under

The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:

We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Washington Huskies..

California at Washington (-20.5) O/U 59.5 $50 Washington

J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:

It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”

Mississippi at Alabama (-16.5) O/U 56 $250 Mississippi, $250 Under

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P.S. Here’s a little help from your friend, J-Dub. Nothing will take the sting out of any bite quite like John Belushi’s probably cocaine-fueled impression of Joe Cocker.

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