I’m not quite sure how gambling works in Canada because I’ve never flown into Toronto’s Pearson International Airport (YYZ). Even though I went to college in a town near the border, I’ve never driven a Red Barchetta into the Great White North. Now, I have a Canadian doctor who is very interested in my Vital Signs…which given my recent health history is a gamble in it’s own right. While he is not Dr. Tom Sawyer, he does have a rather recognizable name.

Anyway, the point behind’s this week’s theme comes from a regular reader, who is also a gambler and like me…a fan of Canada’s classic “Power/Prog” trio Rush. Other regular consumers of my unique brand of electronic slop might also know the reverence I have for Rush, especially in terms of their influence on me as a musician, particularly their 1981 masterpiece Moving Pictures.

This aforementioned fellow gambler gave some of my previous prognostications a level of scrutiny usually reserved for The Camera Eye. While he wasn’t threatening to start a Witch Hunt, he did have a rather pointed question. He wanted to know where I got some of the lines I use in these gambling posts.

Such a query is simply another exercise in moving lines. In the world of college football, lines for the upcoming weekend’s games usually come out in the wee hours on Monday morning. This is a time when respectable people are snug in their beds, but we degenerate gamblers are value-shopping for opening lines which look like they might give it up faster than a cheerleader on “Prom Night.”

From my experience, getting opening lines before the market moves them can make all the difference. Then again, there’s times such shopping has all the impact of Joe Biden babbling at a nursing home. Last week’s Michigan-Michigan State match was the perfect example. Vegas opened that tilt with Michigan as a 14-point favorite. I grabbed that line and ran with it like a thief in the night, locking it in as my “Payday of the Week.” So many others felt the same way that line ballooned to Michigan -29.5. Come Saturday night, it didn’t make a goddamned bit of difference; the Wolverines rolled over their in-state rival Spartans to the tune of 49-0.

The bottom line is whether it’s opening lines on Monday or final scores on Saturday, the name of the game is cashing winners. Whether it’s Canada, The U.S,, or wherever, one thing I’m sure remains true for gamblers across the globe. All the gambling world’s indeed a stage and winning is the universal dream; it let’s us all bask in the Limelight.

Speaking of winning, last week’s results saw the J-Dub Gambling Challenge bankroll show some Grace Under Pressure by taking in $315. That’s puts the season’s total at $8,115, up from the original $5K.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):

Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.

That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.

If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.

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The Standard Plays

• Florida State (-20) at Wake Forest O/U 53.5 $100 Over
• Oklahoma (-10.5) at Kansas O/U 61.5 $50 Kansas, $50 Over
• South Carolina at Texas A&M (-11.5) O/U 51.5 $75 South Carolina
• Maryland (-10.5) at Northwestern O/U 47.5 $250 Maryland
• Clemson (-10.5) at North Carolina State O/U 43.5 $75 Clemson, $75 Over
• Duke at Louisville (-3) O/U 48.5 $100 Duke
• Virginia at Miami (FL) (-19.5) O/U 46.5 $200 Over
• Brigham Young at Texas (-18.5) O/U 50 $100 Texas, $100 Over
• Oregon (-7) at Utah O/U 48 $100 Utah, $100 Under
• Georgia (-17.5) at Florida O/U 47 $50 Florida
• Pittsburgh at Notre Dame (-16.5) O/U 44.5 $100 Notre Dame
• Michigan State at Minnesota (-5.5) O/U 41.5 $200 Minnesota
• Southern California (-8.5) at California O/U 61.5 $250 Southern California
• Wyoming at Boise State (-6) O/U 49.5 $100 Wyoming
• Tennessee (-3.5) at Kentucky O/U 54.5 $75 Tennessee, $75 Under
• Colorado at UCLA (-17.5) O/U 63.5 $100 UCLA
• Ohio State (-10) at Wisconsin O/U 45.5 $150 Ohio State, $150 Under
• Washington State (-6.5) at Arizona State O/U 51.5 $150 Arizona State
• Nevada-Las Vegas at Fresno State (-7.5) O/U 58.5 $100 Over

The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet

Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…

Purdue at Nebraska (-6.5) O/U 42.5 $50 Purdue

The Royally Ridiculous Line of the Week

Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous, it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.

Indiana at Penn State (-32.5) O/U 46 $100 Under

The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:

We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Washington Huskies.

Washington (-27) at Stanford O/U 60.5 $100 Over

J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:

It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”

Mississippi State at Auburn (-6.5) O/U 42.5 $750 Auburn

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P.S. With Halloween right around the corner, one of my favorite later Rush cuts seems appropriate…

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