• Today’s Movie: The Rockford Files – A Portrait of Elizabeth
• Year of Release: 1976
• Stars: James Garner. Noah Berry, Jr., Joe Santos
• Director: Jerry London

This movie is not on my list of essential films, largely because it’s not a movie at all.  It’s an episode from the second season of my favorite television show ever. That’s because this installment of Sports Analogies Hidden In Classic Movies is being done as part of something called The John Saxon Blogathon being hosted by  Cinematic Catharsis and RealWeegieMidget Reviews.

Thanks to their devising and hosting this event, I get another opportunity to write about The Rockford Files.

You can see all the contributors to this blog-a-thon here:

• Day One
• Day Two
• Day Three

The Story:

One of the best recurring themes throughout the first four seasons of this show is an exploration of the nuances in the relationship between Jim Rockford and his quasi-girlfriend/attorney Beth Davenport (played by Gretchen Corbett). The title alone tells you that Beth is the central figure in this episode; here comes just such a “deep dive.”

Beth approaches Jim with another of her clients in tow, Dave Delaroux (played by John Saxon). He owns a company called Biometrics from which he suspects someone has been stealing cashier’s checks. Delaroux tells Jim he can’t investigate the matter personally because his cousin is the regional manager and his presence would only create more problems.

In another great Rockford trope, Jim is reticent to take the job. It’s clear that Jim doesn’t trust Delaroux, but it is also becoming apparent that Delaroux has a relationship with Beth which has privileges beyond that of attorney and client. Almost predictably, Jim takes the job after some goading by Beth. Upon inspecting the check registry, Jim finds nothing out of order. In a seeming show of gratitude, Delaroux gives Jim and Beth two tickets to a classical music recital.

However, it also ensures Jim won’t be at his trailer. While Jim and Beth are at the recital, Delaroux has dinner with another girlfriend Karen Silver (played by Katherine Woodville). The problem is Karen has a husband. Mickey Silver (played Robert Riesel) confronts Delaroux and the two men fight on the lawn. Naturally, this really can’t be a true John Saxon sighting unless his martial arts mastery is called into play. As one would expect, Delaroux makes short work of Silver, but that only stokes his quest for revenge.

As such, Silver and his bodyguard Arnold Adams (played by Ned Wilson) follow Delaroux from Karen’s house. Knowing Jim isn’t home, Delaroux leads them to the trailer. Because he has seen where Jim hides his spare key, Delaroux enters and begins to make the place look like a robbery has taken place. Silver bursts into the room, but Delaroux is waiting; he kills Silver with Jim’s gun. While it appears Silver’s bodyguard conspired with Delaroux, he double-crosses Adams by killing him as well.

Meanwhile, Jim and Beth leave the recital early as Jim was clearly bored by it…much to Beth’s annoyance. Of course, Jim returns home to the sight of Silver and Adams lying dead on his floor. Jim calls his cop friend Dennis Becker (played by Joe Santos) to report the crime, but yet another time-honored Rockford trope appears. There’s always a police lieutenant who has it out for Jim; in this case it’s Lt. Diehl (played by Tom Atkins). Diehl is determined run Jim around in the system making it impossible for Beth to find him and bail him out.

The stakes go up when FBI agent Dan Shore (played by Wayne Tippit) takes Jim into federal custody and informs him that being involved with Delaroux opens him up to charges for conspiracy to defraud the government and murder. However, as Shore questions Jim, he convinces Shore that he might be innocent.

Shore agrees to release Jim on the condition that Delaroux is found and the money he embezzled from Biometrics is recovered. While on Delaroux’s trail, Jim and Beth encounter yet another of his girlfriends Susan Valero (played by Cynthia Sikes), from whom they learn he has an apartment nobody knows about. While they are searching the apartment, Delaroux returns and takes Beth hostage in order to make his escape. Jim thwarts this by throwing paint across his windshield.

The paint leads Jim getting a hunch how Delaroux intended to get the money out of the country. Delaroux disguised a federal bearer’s bond worth $2 million by painting a watercolor portrait of Beth on it.

The Hidden Sports Analogy:

Not many things can be more exhilarating than the opening strains of a new romance, and few things are more straining than the end of one. Likewise, nothing complicates either end like a “third wheel.” That’s what makes this episode of The Rockford Files so entertaining.

Fans of this show know there’s always been a not-so-subtly implied romantic link between Jim and Beth. Not only does A Portrait of Elizabeth strip the pretense, it shows Jim as the jealous “third.” It doesn’t matter where you start; ending up as the “third” is never fun. However, some of handle it with significantly less grace than others.

There’s a simile in the world of hockey; no player wants to get dropped from the first line to the third line. So when a hockey player whose was known for his lack of social grace found himself on the outs with his girlfriend…well, it got as ugly as the end between Beth Davenport and Dave Delaroux.

In 2008, Sean Avery was left-winger for the National Hockey League’s (NHL) Dallas Stars. He was also the “first-liner” in actress Elisha Cuthbert’s romantic life. But, that changed when for reasons we will never know officially (but we can make a pretty good guess), Avery got dropped to “third-liner” and was eventually replaces with another hockey player, then Calgary Flamers (NHL) defenseman Dion Phaneuf. However, unlike Delaroux, Avery didn’t wait until the end of the episode to prove what a complete asswipe he is.

“I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my ‘sloppy seconds.’ I don’t know what that’s about.” 

~ Complete class-act Sean Avery

Not only does that shine a light on Avery’s obvious assholery, but it also strongly suggests his demotion to “third-liner” on Team Cuthbert wasn’t his idea. More importantly…and like Delaroux…that comment represented the proverbial “last straw.” Avery had a long list of examples why he was never winning any humanitarian awards, but this time NHL commissioner Gary Bettman had heard enough and suspended Avery indefinitely.

Part of that suspension was about punishment, but really it revolved around not seeing Avery get beaten to death on the ice. Cuthbert’s new paramour Dion Phaneuf was a 6’4,” 230-pound beast who would have easily crushed the much smaller Avery. Not to mention, Avery also had a long record of making derogatory comments about French-Canadian players; I’m sure Phaneuf might have had something to say about that as well.

Ultimately, Avery was allowed back into the league, but it really didn’t matter. By this time, the useful days of his career were in the rear-view mirror. Cuthbert and Phaneuf have been married since 2013 while Avery continues to prove douchebags don’t change their spots.

The Moral of the Story:

Don’t let your mouth write checks your ass can’t cash.

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