Yesterday is what happens when you live with an animal lover in a place that has wildlife. Granted 95% of said “wildlife” is comprised of ducks and geese who normally would be hanging out on a golf course, except for the fact they found the pond-adjacent backyard now known as “Mrs. J-Dub’s Eco-system.” Despite the garden section lying in it’s winter dormancy, the “air wing” of that eco-system is still quite active. All the evidence one would need waddles in every afternoon for “refueling.”
But yesterday presented a situation.
The current “polar vortex” has the backyard more resembling a weather base north of the Arctic Circle, and Mrs. J-Dub was out for the day.
So…I appointed myself as the “substitute teacher.” Like every other such “sub,” my differing approach inevitably led to an approach to chaos diverting to a “when worlds collide” moment.
Mrs. J-Dub’s Approach:
When Mrs. J-Dub feeds her adopted flock, it’s like watching 50 birds getting concierge service. She delivers outside the wire; everybody gets a hand full of something.
But beyond that, there’s a select class that gets “Gold Member Lounge” access.
Even in a snowstorm, she’s out there.
J-Dub’s Approach:
In my defense, I’m still somewhat on the mend from some foot issues last summer, and walking on the unshoveled snow in the eco-system just isn’t in the cards. So I loaded up a gallon-sized plastic milk jug converted into a “thunder scoop” and dropped a couple of payloads of Mrs. J-Dub’s secret birdfeed mix like 500-pounders raining out of a B-52.
Since I’m not going outside the wire, everybody got VIP access, because it’s the result that matters. Did the birds get fed?
You tell me.
1) The diners assemble
2) The “Jet Set” drops in
Note how the two cats act as landing lights guiding our two aviators. The “cat” thing will matter in a bit.
3) The “air wing” gets closer to the house
4) The “Advance Scout”
Welcome to the “when worlds collide” moment. If this were Star Trek, Larry the Mallard would have a red shirt rather than a green head, because he’s usually the one who gets to find the monster that kills him.
5) The “Reinforcement”
Larry calls for his partner, and together they discover the “monster” is actually 11 harmless pounds of chicken-shit fluff.
6) Everybody finishes eating
Once the word was out that Surprise the Cat offered absolutely zero threat, the buffet was open.
Epilogue
This morning, everything returned to normal.
Got a question, comment, or just want to yell at us? Hit us up at dubsism@yahoo.com, @Dubsism on Twitter, or on our Pinterest, Tumblr, or Instagram, or Facebook pages, and be sure to bookmark Dubsism.com so you don’t miss anything from the most interesting independent sports blog on the web.
Dubsism 