“The Rockford Files” Drinking Game

Editor’s Note: Mr. Rockford is a private detective based in Malibu, California. We here at Dubsism have retained Mr. Rockford at his standard rate of two hundred dollars per day plus expenses to be our special investigator on matters of crime and other general shadiness in the world of sports, then report back to us when needed.

If you would like to contact Mr. Rockford, at the tone, leave your name and number and he’ll get back to you. 

Let’s be honest…drinking and television were made for each other. Since I’m getting ready to participate in an event where a bunch of TV-watching drunks bloggers will be celebrating our favorite television shows, it seemed like the perfect time to offer a public service to you, the loyal blog-reading public.

You may never know the opulent, “Jet Set” lifestyle of the internationally-renowned blogger, but at least you can share in the chemical dependence revelry normally reserved for the buzzed TV-watching web writer.

For purposes of clarity, this is for the classic series, not the series of made-for-TV movies or the reboot NBC is foisting upon us…

Take One Drink When:

  • Any character is shown drinking an alcoholic beverage
    • Double if it’s Rocky
    • Triple if it’s Jim
  • Jim has contact with law enforcement
    • Double if it’s in a place other than Los Angeles
    • Triple if they are federal agents
  • Jim is fishing
    • Double if he’s fishing with Rocky
    • Triple if he’s not fishing in the ocean
  • Jim is shown on the phone
    • Double if it’s a police department phone
    • Triple if it’s a pay phone
  • Jim is involved in a car chase
    • Double if Jim is driving Rocky’s truck
    • Triple if Jim is driving any other vehicle
  • Jim impersonates somebody
    • Double if he wears a hat or glasses
    • Triple if he uses a phony business card
  • Jim is confronted at his trailer
    • Double if it’s by law enforcement
    • Triple if the confrontation results in a struggle (being arrested doesn’t count)
  • Jim is shown eating
    • Double if he’s eating tacos
    • Triple if he’s wearing a tie while eating
  • Jim is threatened
    • Double if it’s with a weapon
    • Triple if the threat is from law enforcement or an attorney

Take Two Drinks When:

  • Becker gets mad at Jim
    • Double if the reason for Becker’s anger doesn’t involve L.A.P.D.
  • Beth mentions Jim owes her money
    • Double if Jim promises to pay her
  • Jim gets mad at Angel
    • Double if Jim gets physical
  • Rocky is indoors wearing a hat
    • Double if it’s a baseball/trucker cap
  • Jim pulls his gun out of the cookie jar
    • Double if Rocky sees the gun
  • Jack Garner appears on screen
    • Double if he’s not a law enforcement officer
The Competitive Edge: Jim is drugged (3 drinks), impersonates a mental patient (1 drink), gets in a car chase (3 drinks since he’s driving another vehicle), has a run-in with law enforcement outside of Los Angeles (2 drinks) who happens to be Jack Garner as a law enforcement officer (3 drinks) who is threatening Jim with a weapon (2 drinks)

Take Three Drinks When:

  • Beth seems jealous over the presence of another woman
  • Becker refuses a request from Jim
  • Jim pulls off the “J-Turn” (a.k.a. “the Rockford Turn”)
  • Rocky is outdoors and not wearing a hat
  • A banjo is heard in the show music
  • Jim is shown in an altered mental state (e.g. woozy from a blow to the head and/or drugged)

Also as a public service…since I’m the one who encouraged such heavy drinking, it would be irresponsible on my part not to offer advice for surviving the next day.

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