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What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions

An Open Letter to Denver Bronco Fans: “Neckbeard and the Beanstalk”

Everybody remembers the story of Jack and the Beanstalk. Via a trade, Jack ends up with what is seen as a worthless “bag of magic beans,” a bag that unexpectedly yields tremendous bounty. Let it be said that Denver Bronco fans have the role of Jack nailed down; starring opposite the Neckbeard’s goose that laid golden footballs. While no one man can ever truly know all the powers of the Neckbeard, it has become apparent that one of them is producing the ultimate football gold; victories.

When Kyle Orton first arrived in Denver, Bronco fans were less than hospitable; in fact the Neckbeard was a target of constant cat-calls and blathering calls to the local sports-radio outlet. Bronco fans have been clamoring for a game-winner under center since the departure of John Elway. Somehow, over the last 11 years, the likes of Bubby Brister, Brian Griese, Chris Miller, Gus Frerotte, Steve Beuerlein, Danny Kanell, Jarious Jackson, and Jake “The Snake” Plummer didn’t sate this need.

Then along came Jay Cutler. Blessed with enough pure talent to make even Vanderbilt respectable, Cutler quickly became the Bronco “golden boy,” a veritable gift from Santa Claus, Indiana. Once given the starting job, Cutler filled the skies of Colorado with footballs, garnering at least 3,000 passing yards and 14 touchdowns in his first two seasons; even earning a Pro Bowl nod in 2008.

But then as fairy godmothers are wont to do, somewhere a magic wand got waved and a new coach was visited upon Bronco land. Rumors circulated the new coach Josh McDaniels wanted Matt Cassel to come to Denver. Trade talks abounded, all while Cutler did his best extra-petulant Jeff George impersonation. Eventually, Cutler was sent to Chicago, and in return, the Broncos got the Neckbeard.

Even when it is invisible, the Neckbeard is all-powerful

Even when it is invisible, the Neckbeard is all-powerful

Unfortunately, the majority of Bronco fandom was convinced that they had given up a franchise quarterback for what? You guessed it…a bag of magic beans. It was so bad other bloggers took note of the disapproving howls.

If there’s booing in August, there will surely be booing come September and October if the Broncos get off to a slow start. Orton, in particular, will bear the brunt of that animosity. Heavy is the helmet under center and all that, but Orton will be getting crushed for things that have little to do with him. 

Well, the slow start didn’t happen; quite the opposite. After Sunday’s overtime win against the Patriots, the Broncos are 5-0 and the chorus of Bronco boos have been muted…for now. Bronco fans have so wanted a winner since Elway that they have tended not to wait until the bitter end before turning on their signal-caller (see Bubby Brister, Brian Griese, Chris Miller, Gus Frerotte, Steve Beuerlein, Danny Kanell, Jarious Jackson, and Jake “The Snake” Plummer). So again, Bronco fans, I must tell you this – Orton is not going to be the Cutler/Manning “stat-whore” type of quarterback.  If you are looking for a guy that will put up 350 yards and 3 touchdowns every week, you are missing the moral of the story.

Bronco fans, if you are willing to climb the beanstalk, you also have to be willing to let the goose produce in its own way. If a 5-0 start isn’t enough to convince you to trust in the Neckbeard, maybe you did deserve Jake Plummer.

About J-Dub

What your view of sports would be if you had too many concussions

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This entry was posted on October 12, 2009 by in NFL and tagged , , , .

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