What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
Certain people should never be allowed to have children. While there are many types, today we need to discuss those who name their kids after football coaches. If for no other reason, those kids have no future. The following story more than illustrates that.
When Urban Meyer decided to take the Ohio State job less than a year after retiring from Florida, many Gator fans were upset with their former coach. But few more so than Jen Wiley, who named her son after Urban because of her and her husband’s allegiance to Florida.
Wiley’s son, now 4 years old, is actually named Spurrier Urban Wiley, after Florida’s two national championship winning coaches — Steve Spurrier and Meyer — but after Meyer’s move to the Big Ten, Wiley wants to change her son’s middle name.
“My husband and I got married in 1996, when Spurrier won the championships,” she said, “and then we conceived in 2006 when Urban Meyer won the championship.”
It was a seemingly perfect fit for these Florida fanatics, until now. So mom’s ready for a change.
OK, so mom decides because Urban Meyer moved on, it is time to double-down on the mistake she made naming the kid in the first place. Let’s take a look at what that means…
1) Mom has a weak sense of commitment
First of all, there’s almost no chance this kids’ parents remain married until he reaches adulthood. Mom is out the door the first time Dad farts during dinner. Not to mention, what’s Mom going to do the first time the kid pisses her off? Shoot him?
2) Mom has a warped sense of gratitude
Urban Meyer did all he was going to do at Florida. Instead of being grateful for what he did, this particular Gator fan is bitter that it was time for him to move on. What did she want Meyer to do? Have some early success , then spend two decades as mushroom on the sideline a la Bobby Bowden?
3) Mom missed a major point
There’s a reason why one should wait until a person is dead before you start naming things after them. The story nailed the reason specific to this case.
Raise your hand if you thought Meyer was going to stay retired. Anyone? Anyone? Coaches lie, they change their minds, they switch jobs. The best thing fans can do is not get too emotional and name their kids after them.
So, what is Mom’s solution?
“I want to change his middle name,” she said…If he does, she’s thinking Tim after Tim Tebow, the great Gator quarterback who is becoming a star in the NFL.
Perfect…nothing like illustrating your weak sense of commitment by replacing the name of a coach with that of a current fad.
My sympathies are with you, Spurrier Urban Wiley, or whatever your name will end up being. Not only did your mother give you a name which guarantees at least half the state of Florida will want to beat your ass on daily basis, she’s going to use you as her own personal platform.
Nothing like being only 4 years old when you realize you are screwed.