What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
Just one week ago, Ryan Meehan and I told you about ten things to watch for in this upcoming NFL season. As sure as the sun rises in the east, it also tends every season to blaze a few coaches into that long goodnight. To that end, we had New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan as the lead locomotive on the coaches’ funeral train. Let’s take a look at what we said:
Lets face it. If Rex Ryan wants to stay in New York, he’s going to need to get the Jets into the play-offs. To pull of a Jet-based miracle of that scale, Rex should hire Capt. Sullenberger as an assistant. But I think we all know Rex has a sign up next to the dumpster at Jets’ headquarters asking people to save boxes for him.
Here’s the calculus. Owner Woody Johnson hired John Idzik to be the general manager, then forced him to keep Rex as the coach, but then didn’t offer Rex a contract extension. Add to that the fact Izdik traded away the team’s best player in Darrelle Revis. If that weren’t enough, let’ snot forget that Rex is still stuck with a defense held together with scotch tape and happy thoughts, and his best option for a quarterback is still The ButtFumble (Geno Smith is going to suck balls in the NFL…write it down now). Add it all up, and it is looking likely Rex will be filling out some change of address cards at the end of this season.
Last night, the first sounds of a wheel off the Rex Ryan rail rattled across the ties, foretelling the fiery derailment I think we can all see coming. The good people at Deadspin have such a good rundown of what happened that I really needed to intertwine and compare it to what we predicted.
I’m not sure a preseason game can ever be described as good, but they can definitely be bad and the Jets performance Saturday night was about as bad as it gets. Look what they made Rex Ryan do. Rookie quarterback Geno Smith was putrid. He threw three interceptions in one half and then Orlovsky’d himself out of the quarterback competition. Unless…
Anytime you see “Orlovsky” used as a verb, you know somebody is balls-deep in lava, and the volcano of suck is still erupting. Let us not forget that Dan Orlovsky couldn’t beat out Curtis Painter in Indianapolis, and right now Curtis Painter is trying his hardest not to get cut by the New York Giants.
Take a good look at that picture. That’s exactly what getting “Orlovsky’d” looks like. Let that sink in for a moment, then stop to consider the following. We fucking told you this was going to happen. But nooooooooooooooooo, you had to listen to those dickholes at ESPN spouting their electronic chlamydia about how Geno Smith was ready to challenge for the starting quarterback job.
BWAHHHHH-HAAAAAAAAA-HAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Deep lung-reloading gasp) BWAHHHHH-HAAAAAAAAA-HAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should start a contest to come up with a word that means “simultaneously pathetic and hilarious,” because it would describe perfectly what happened last night. I’ll let the Deadspin people walk you through it.
Yep, that’s right, we all forgot Mark Sanchez. Well, he didn’t distinguish himself either. He fumbled his first snap and then injured his shoulder on the next possession (on what was actually a nice play [sigh]) behind the second team in the fourth quarter. He went in for X-rays at the stadium and will be getting an MRI to determine the severity of the injury. But he was injured and that was the moment the NY media officially and completely turned on Rex Ryan and it’s what caused Rex’s transient ischemic attack up there in the video.
That paragraph needs a bigger breakdown than Margot Kidder had when the “Superman” royalty checks dried up. First of all, how could we possibly have forgotten about Mark Sanchez considering the only shitty quarterback who gets more press than the ButtFumble is the dreaded “T-word?” The answer to that is rather simple. So many people had Sanchez dead and buried assuming that Geno Smith was going do more for New York than Jesus and the invention of the bagel combined, than nobody was ready to accept what we tried to tell you about Smith.
Here’s where the shit is going to get real. Sanchez getting hurt proved to be the “wheel off the rail” moment. But before I get into that, lets have our medical lesson of the day. According to the National Stroke Association, a “transient ischemic attack” is defined as “an event, sometimes called a mini-stroke, with stroke symptoms that last less than 24 hours before disappearing. While TIAs generally do not cause permanent brain damage, they are a serious warning sign of stroke and should not be ignored.” Keep this in mind; I’ll come back to this. Before that, we have to discuss about how the media has officially turned on Rex Ryan. The New York Daily News’ Jets beat writer is a guy named Manish Mehta, and he was roasting Ryan on Twitter even before the meltdown at the press conference.
The first Tweet from Mehta said “Rex Ryan should be fired tonight for signing off on one of the dumbest decisions I’ve ever seen.” Of course, this is the guy who said Geno Smith could be the starter if could stay “interception-free.” That was never going to happen, and reporters really hate it when they get exposed on such stupid predictions. Mehta is just an example of how Ryan is going to spend the rest of the season being scapegoated for a bunch media expectations that were about as real as RuPaul’s vagina. If you doubt that, look at what Mehta said in today’s edition.
Rex Ryan took ineptitude and incompetence to new heights with a boneheaded decision Saturday night that ultimately could seal his fate as the head coach of the Jets. Ryan…vaulted into the annals of dumb moves by putting Mark Sanchez into the fourth quarter of the Jets’ meaningless preseason 24-21 overtime win over the Giants at MetLife Stadium. Sanchez promptly suffered a shoulder injury that clouds the Jets’ quarterback situation.
Ryan, whose transparent attempts to placate new general manager John Idzik for the past eight months have turned him into a sad shell of his former iconoclastic self, turned testy in his postgame press conference. When his predictable talking points were challenged, Ryan grew agitated.
Notice how in the span of a few words, Mehta ranges from “iconoclastic” to “boneheaded” in his description of Ryan. What that really means is that at one point, this guy was in love with Ryan, as all media types were at one point. But now, he will be little more than the target of every blame dart the sports media can throw; because while he is not the reason, he is surely the face of all that is wrong with the New York Jets.
Keeping that in consideration as far as last night is concerned, this is where Deadspin begs the “billion-dollar” question.
Should Sanchez have been in the game with 11:20 left to go in the fourth quarter? I don’t know, I’m not a football coach nor am I privy to whatever the Jets management has in mind for its quarterback competition. It definitely seemed weird, though. The head-scratchiness of it coupled with the worst-case-scenario outcome was as if someone swapped water for chum in the ocean. And Rex Ryan had to go behind a podium and talk to the sharks knowing that his quarterback options were either a rookie who is at least as flawed as his veteran is right now, or an injured version of that veteran. So maybe Rex deserves a break. He found himself between an almost inconceivably self-created rock and a hard place; the most Jets thing ever.
There’s more meat in that paragraph than is currently lodged in Louie Anderson coronary arteries. That comment about “chum” is pretty revealing. Its’ already admitting that the media are sharks, and Ryan is hemorrhaging into the water. But it also means the media needs a steady supply of fresh meat, and fair or not, it is Rex Ryan’s turn to be at the bottom of the food-chain.
If you doubt that, ask yourself a question. Just what the fuck was he supposed to do? In his piece today, Mehta assumes this is all about beating the Giants. While that may very well be, that assumption also ignores the facts that a) Ryan has no fucking idea what to do with slag-heaps he has for quarterbacks and b) maybe he was trying to see what his most-likely starter could do late with the game on the line? Take a look at his options in this situation:
Given all that, why wouldn’t he put Sanchez in the game? The best-case scenario is that Sanchez goes out and wins the game. The worst case is that Sanchez gets hurt. in either event, Ryan gets himself out of this silly-ass quarterback controversy which was all ginned-up by the fucking media in the first place.
Let’s go back to that stroke thing here. You can see already that the end of the Ryan era in New York will be a progression of meltdowns, beginning with last night’s “transient ischemic attack” and increasing in intensity until Ryan’s skull literally explodes live on the NFL Network, all of it fueled by the hypocritical bullshit spewing from the media.
That’s actually the best part of all this: The same media ass-loafs who sat Shiva on Sanchez after the ButtFumble are now the same ones crawling all the way up Rex Ryan’s ass for putting him into a pre-season game where Sanchez just may have been able to win a contest created by those same ass-loafs? Did i miss when we changed the point of the pre-season? I thought it was about finding out who your players are.
Either way, the long, slow march into that goodnight has officially started for Rex Ryan. What is wrong with the Jets isn’t his fault, but he is going to take the fall for it.