The Dubsism 2017 NCAA Bracket Challenge: This Could Be A New Low
College basketball is the sport which brought you “Midnight Madness,” so how can it not be appropriate to release a post about NCAA Tournament bracket pick at an odd hour?
The history of analogies for my own bracket disasters are almost as long and storied as the history of disasters themselves. I’ve used airliner crashes, the Hindenburg…pick a epic tragedy from the annals of human history and chances are I’ve used it in a completely crass and inappropriate matter. Somehow in that run of gigantic insensitivity, I’ve never used the Titanic.
Until today.
This year, I’m skipping any pretense that my bracket doesn’t suck. From a pure statistics perspective, the number of possible unique brackets one could fill out for the 64-team NCAA Tournament is truly gigantic. The exact number is 9,223,372,036,854,775,808. For those of you who didn’t do their own math homework, that’s a little over 9.2 quintillion possibilities. To understand what a massive number that is, if you could fill out one bracket per second, it would take you 292 trillion years to fill out all possible permutations. If that doesn’t explain it, 9.2 quintillion pounds is approximately the weight of three Rosie O’Donnells.
The bottom line is that I’m not going to fill out a galaxy worth of brackets. Even if I did, they’d all fucking lose somehow. During the final game, with my team ahead by 25 points with less than a minute to go, there would be some kind of “War of the Worlds” moment where alien spaceships laser-fry my champion pick into so much cigarette ashes. That’s why I’m going to stick to one bracket and embrace it’s gigantic, Titanic amount of suck.
That’s why this year’s Dubsism NCAA Tournament Challenge is the Titanic Swim Team Memorial Bracket. For me, filling out a bracket is like taking in a lung full of freezing cold salt water, only to look up and see some dude giving a big middle finger to that whole “women and children first into the lifeboats” thing. After enough bad picks, I’m hoping for a shark to bite my nuts off than bobbing about waiting to drown, because at least I can’t feel the balls it took to pick Middle Tennessee State winning twice.
Obviously, that’s the segue to the actual, official J-Dub 2017 bracket. The biggest problem you have is you’re running out of time. The deadline for getting your picks submitted is noon Eastern (U.S.) time on Thursday, March 16th, 2017…which is mere hours away.
To get your spot in one of the Titanic Memorial Bracket lifeboats so you can laugh at the drowning J-Dub, just go to http://www.pooltracker.com/join.asp?poolid=134773 and do the usual sign-up thing (you don’t need a password…unlike the Democratic Party, we are truly all-inclusive). Not only are we here at Dubsism completely welcoming, we’re also overly sporting, which in this case means giving you a sneak-peek at the bracket you have to beat if you want to be able to say you took down the most interesting independent sports blogger on the web.
East Region:
The key to this region is two-fold: Do you buy Villanova as the #1 overall seed, and how much do you buy Duke as anything?
Midwest Region:
At some point, Kansas has to lose. That’s what they do. The Jayhawks have such a wonderful record of tournament choke-jobs they really should be in the B1G Ten.
South Region:
Odds are the regional final in the South ends up as a match-up of the big-money end of our College Basketball Monopoly board. The question is does Kentucky manage to build a hotel, pass “Go,” or get sent to “One-and-Done” jail? To be honest, UCLA and North Carolina are starting with two houses apiece.
West Region:
The West promises to feature a showdown of Eastern European big men. Arizona will trot out dueling 7-footers in Serbia’s Dustan Ristic and Finland’s Lauri Markkenen matched by Gonzaga’s Przemek Karnoski of Poland and Jacob Larsen of Denmark. All four of those guys are headed for the NBA, and there aren’t a lot of teams in this region who can say they’ve got two sure-fire NBA players wearing their colors.
The Final Four:
As you are reading this, understand my history of picking the tournament champion. I’ve been filling out brackets since this tournament became a 64-team format; I’ve hit the champion pick twice. That means I’ve got it right twice in over three decades. That also means I should be easy to beat.
The thing is you’ll never know if you can beat me if you don’t enter…and time is running out.
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Pac-10 National Championship game, huh? Wouldn’t the world implode if that happened?
I took a few stabs myself in Dub’s Annual March Guessing Match.
Either way, I’ve packed my life preserver. Odds are I’m gonna need it.
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Pac-10? Is your calendar stuck on 2003? Unlike the B1G Ten, the Pac-12 can count, and I will always appreciate math skills.
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