Dubsism

What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions

Ask J-Dub – Episode 9 – Lonzo, Romo, and Iceland

You Dubsists are the best.  This has been such a fun week in the world of sports that we decided it was time to revisit the mailbag here at Dubsism World Headquarters.  Well, let’s be a bit more honest about that.  Now that college football season is over, J-Dub gets his focus back to writing rather than being a degenerate gambler. To be even more honest, we’ve received some seriously interesting questions.  That isn’t to say we don’t always some interesting stuff in our inbox; today’s episode reflects that.

So no matter what, keep those emails and comments coming; you never know when we’ll use yours.

Question #1:

Dear J-Dub,

In your last episode you talked about Eli Manning as a Hall of Famer.  What about Tony Romo?

~Nacogdoches Nachos

Is Tony Romo a Hall of Famer? As a player, no…but he’s rapidly becoming my favorite NFL color commentator.

While I’ve always asserted that championships are more of a measure of team success than individual greatness (it only makes up 10% of our grade for determining the greatest quarterbacks of all time…don’t worry, an updated version of this will be coming after the Super Bowl), the Pro Football Hall of Fame seems to value that more than we do.  There are 26 “modern era” quarterbacks enshrined in Canton, and only six didn’t win a professional championship of some sort.

  • Dan Fouts – Retired as one of only three quarterbacks to throw for more than 40,000 career yards at the time and was the first to throw for 4,000 yards in three consecutive seasons.
  • Sonny Jurgensen – Vince Lombardi called him “the greatest quarterback I ever saw.” Won three NFL passing titles, the last in his final season at age 40.
  • Jim Kelly – Eight trips to the play-offs  in eleven seasons, including four straight Super Bowl appearances
  • Dan Marino and Fran Tarkenton – Both retired as the all-time passing yardage leader.
  • Y.A. Tittle – NFL MVP in three straight seasons.

Once you look at what those other guys achieved, it’s pretty hard to call Tony Romo a “Hall of Famer” considering he never led the league in passing, was never voted first-team All-Pro, never won the league MVP title, and never made it to a Super Bowl.

Question #2:

Dear J-Dub,

I think you are secretly a Jets fan, because you are always talking about them as if they are better than they are.  As a Jets fan, I’m so desperate that I always fall for it.  What the fuck is wrong with you?

~The Unknown Blogger

To understand this question, you should know The Unknown Blogger is a friend of mine who has made multiple appearances on this blog.  The funny thing about the New York Jets is that when they don’t suck, they are never as good as people think.  Conversely, when they are lousy, they aren’t as bad as you might be led to believe.  It’s an odd blessing and curse for a team to have, but it helps to explain almost fifty years of football futility, and the fan anguish to go along with it.

Also, saying good things about the New York Jets irritates the shit out of both The Unknown Blogger and dip-shit New England Patriot fans. 

Question #3:

Dear J-Dub,

I know you’re a World Cup guy. With no U.S. team in, who ya got?

~ South Carolina Cock Soccer Supporter

First of all, let me just say if there were an award for greatest fake names, that one is a serious medal contender.  Punnery at it’s finest with mellifluous overtones of straight-up filth. Le mot juste, mon ami!

To answer your question, this is really a dark time for the U.S.  Jurgen Klinsmann was on the verge of getting America to the next level of world football, but everybody seemed to forget he got this country’s sorry-ass team out of the group stage in Brazil in 2014.  But because American soccer players are pussies who can’t handle a disciplinarian who actually expects things from them, he was fired and replaced by the man he replaced in the first place.  Bruce Arena may have been a nice guy, but making sure everybody gets the same number of slices at Chuck E. Cheese is only an effective soccer coaching technique if your players have not yet hit puberty.

That’s why in 2018, the staff here at Dubsism World Headquarters is 100% behind Team Iceland.  This team caught our eye in Euro 2016 when they knocked off England and became the “Cinderella” of the tournament.  Their “war chant” with the overhead hand-clap brought back visions of the Icelandinc forefathers charging forth from long boats to pillage everything in their path.  Not to mention, this team has an amazing amount of talent for a country with a population half that of North Dakota.

Americans love an underdog, and since there’s no American team to support… “Fara í lið Íslands!

Question #4:

Dear J-Dub,

Ben Simmons and Lonzo Ball are both terrible shooters, but Ball gets all the shit for it. Why is that?

~Philadelphia Phreakdom

You don’t really need the FBI crime lab to piece this one together.  Fair or not, Lonzo Ball, is a lightning rod who plays on a marquee team.  Ben Simmons is a damn fine player on his own, but let’s be honest.  You can “trust the process” all you want, but you’d better believe the Philadelphia 76ers haven’t been relevant sine Allen Iverson.

Forget about the won-loss records, the Los Angeles Lakers have more followers on social media around the world than any other non-soccer sports team on earth.  Couple that with the fact Lonzo’s father is the Donald Trump of the basketball world in the sense he has an innate talent for saying things which draw intense, visceral reactions from people, and voilà…Lonzo Ball is going to garner criticism harsher than what he deserves.

I have a George Mikan t-shirt and you don’t. Don’t hate me because I’m way more cool than you.

To top it all off, Lonzo Ball is carrying a wagon full of expectations he can’t possibly live up to.  The fact I have a George Mikan t-shirt tells you I’ve been a Laker fan for longer than I care to admit, which means I know Lakers fans are not used to where we are as a team now.  That also means I know a lot of Lakers fans expect the 2nd overall pick Lonzo Ball to be the second coming of Christ; the difference being the sandals are replaces with Big Baller Brand kicks.

The fact that a Lonzo three-point shot can get as awkward as Jesus in the temple with the Money Changers  misses the point that shooting isn’t really his job.  He’s gotten better as the season progressed, but whatever he does shooting jumpers is icing on the cake.  Ball’s job is to get the ball to the Lakers’ bevy of front-scorers and/or guys who can pop from the wing.

Perhaps this is the part where Lakers fans could borrow a page from Philadelphia; maybe it’s time Lakers fans trusted a process of their own.  After all, even the crustiest, most-entitled Laker fan can’t tell me this team isn’t in a better place than it was a year ago.

Got a question, comment, or just want to threaten us? E mail the most interesting independent sports blog on the web at dubsism@yahoo.com, and follow us @Dubsism on Twitter, or on our PinterestTumblrInstagram, Snapchat, and Facebook pages.

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