The J-Dub Gambling Challenge 2020: Week 5 – “The Hook Will Bring You Back” Edition
No, this isn’t about fishing or giant things made for loading ships. This is a gambling column, and in the world of wagering, the “hook” is that half-point you sometimes see added to a point spread or an over/under total. For those not familiar, the “hook” exists when the odds-maker thinks there’s a high probably of the number they set landing right on the nose. In gambling, that’s called a “push,” which is the worst-case scenario for the gambler. A “push” is like a tie, except the gambler still loses the “juice,” or the cost of placing the bet (usually 10 % of the wager placed.) There’s an old saying about a tie is like kissing your sister; a “push” like getting herpes from her.
This is a problem because bookies who deal a lot of pushes won’t get much action because guys like me gamble to win, not end up with lumpy lips. Football is the perfect sport for pumping out pushes, because the most common margins of victory are three, four and seven points. That’s why bookies will add the “hook,” thus ensuring winners and losers who shouldn’t need a hefty does of Valtrex.
Nowadays with the rise of on-line gambling, some books will allow you to buy a hook; essentially you pay to add a half-point to a line that didn’t have one. To me, this is simply being allowed to load the pistol before you play “Russian Roulette.”
In any event, while the “hook” prevents the dreaded “push,” she’s also the essential “bitch goddess;” the “hook” takes away as much as she gives. In that sense, the “hook” is like music from the 1990s. For every world-changing “Nirvana,” there’s a soul-draining “Blues Traveler.”
Winning is pure exhilaration; just like when you hear the opening riff of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and your brain runs awash in adrenaline because you know you’re in for three minutes of “FUCK YEAH!!!” Conversely, picture anything by Blues Traveler being the soundtrack to the moment I finally eat a pistol.
Then…the “hook” brings me back.
Obviously, since I’m still here to write this, there was no gun-eating this week. While there was plenty of damage done at the hands of several “hooks,” I finally hit a Payday of the Week (although being only 1-3 on the “big” bets is worth of dining à la Smith & Wesson). All tolled, the J-Dub Gambling Challenge Bankroll stands at $5,474 on the season so far from the original 5K.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football. That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
Having said that, let’s get ready to gamble…
- Louisiana Tech at Brigham Young (-24.5) O/U 56.5 $75 Brigham Young, $75 Over
- Missouri at Tennessee (-11) O/U 48.5 $100 Tennessee
- North Carolina State at Pittsburgh (-13.5) O/U 48.5 $75 Pittsburgh, $75 Over
- Texas Christian at Texas (-11.5) O/U 62.5 $150 Over
- Texas A&M at Alabama (-16.5) O/U 53.5 $100 Over
- Texas Tech at Kansas State (-2) O/U 63.5 $50 Kansas State, $50 Under
- Memphis (-1.5) at Southern Methodist O/U 74.5 $100 Memphis
- Mississippi at Kentucky (-6.5) O/U 59.5 $50 Mississippi
- Virginia Tech (-12) at Duke O/U 54 $100 Virginia Tech
- Navy (-6.5) at Air Force O/U 47.5 $125 Air Force
- Louisiana State (-20.5) at Vanderbilt O/U 48.5 $150 Louisiana State
- Auburn at Georgia (-6.5) O/U 44.5 $100 Georgia
- Oklahoma (-7) at Iowa State O/U 61.5 $150 Oklahoma
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
As the current champion is Ohio State, and as of this writing the B1G Ten is saying they will begin begin play on October 23rd…well, this feature will just have to wait.
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
Arkansas at Mississippi State (-17.5) O/U 68.5
$300 Mississippi State
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