What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
In just over three weeks, Americans will head to the polls for the mid-term elections. Even though this is isn’t a presidential election, mid-terms are still exceptionally important, largely because they determine who controls the House of Representatives and the Senate. But like with any election, the television airwaves between now and then (and especially during football games) with be chock full of commercials from (pick a side) imploring you to vote for their stooge and/or telling you what an awful person the other side’s stooge is.
Now, I’m not here to tell you which stooge is better; go vote for the stooge of your choice…that’s what representative government in a constitutional republic is all about. Instead, I’m here to talk about “bear” markets.” The complete opposite of a “bull market,” The “bears” are said to be running on Wall Street when the markets are going the wrong way.
You could say the bears are running wild in America today, and that’s a function of a combination of stooges. Those elections that are right around the cornier are going to prove interesting because no matter which stooge they voted for, every American today is paying at least double what they were two years ago for a gallon of milk, a gallon of gasoline, and a gallon of roof over their heads. They’re pissed off about that, and I’m curious to see what happens come the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November. Hell, you can even gamble on that should you be so inclined.
No matter what the markets do, the inherent beauty of gambling is there’s only one stooge at fault. I can’t control the price of consumer goods, but there’s nobody who made be throw half a grand at BYU. That would be the dope I saw in the mirror this morning. Thanks to that guy, the J-Dub Gambling Challenge bankroll took another hit last week to the tune of $323. But the fact the bankroll is still ahead of the original $5K for the season at $5,658 means my hat is going right back into the gambling ring this week.
Because…for dinner tonight, I’m having bear meat…while I can still afford it.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.
That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.
Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…
Nebraska at Purdue (-14) O/U 56 $100 Purdue
Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.
Vanderbilt at Georgia (-38) O/U 58.5 $25 Over
We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Oregon Ducks
Oregon is idle this week
It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”
Southern California at Utah (-3.5) O/U 64.5 $500 Southern California
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