What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
There’s a reason why Major League is high on my list of the best baseball movies ever made. Two sentences in, and you’re probably already wondering why I’m mentioning a baseball movie smack dab in the heart of football season. The reason is simple. Gambling and religion…regardless of your flavor of choice…share a common theme.
Major League has a great scene about that moment when one has no choice but to question their faith. Pedro Cerrano spends the whole movie praying to his idol Jobu, but there comes a moment when Cerrano says that if Jobu doesn’t help him in what is clearly the biggest at-bat in his life, he will turn his back on him.
This past Sunday morning, I had just such a moment. I’ve made plenty of mention that I live in the shadows of Purdue University. That’s why there a routine bet on the Boilermakers in this very series. Mrs. J-Dub is a Purdue alum and as a long-suffering Boiler fan, she has over the years acquired an innate sense of fatalism when it comes to Purdue football.
I understood it after the Joe Tiller era. With sorry-asses like Danny Hope and Darrell Hazell as coaches, it was no wonder the Boilers sank to the bottom of the B1G Ten. But from Day One, Jeff Brohm brought a different feel to the sidelines at Ross-Ade Stadium.
If you ignore the chaos that was the 2020 season, the Brohm era in West Lafayette has been one of general if not constant improvement. After a 9-4 season in 2021 capped with a bowl win over Tennessee, there was no reason for guys like me to preach to the fatalists like Mrs. J-Dub that 2022 was the was going to be the year Purdue football turned the corner.
Even though they lost the opener with Penn State, they had every chance to win that game late and showed they had the on-field talent to hang with anybody. The loss to Syracuse showed this team could lapse into sloppy, undisciplined football, led largely by their head coach who got a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty of his very own at a crucial point in that game.
But on the morning after what happened in Madison, even I’m questioning my faith in Jeff Brohm. Yeah, I know historically the Boilers have been snake-bit in Camp Randall Stadium. Yeah, I know the Badgers have been a nemesis for Purdue, even before the days of divisional play in the B1G Ten. But I also knew all those things combined with a down season for a Wisconsin team which fired it’s coach a few weeks back made for the “perfect storm” for Purdue to lay the log to the Badgers and announce their presence with authority as a contender laying claim to a spot in the conference championship game.
Instead, that team…again led by it’s head coach…pulled down their collective Pampers and shit the bed. When it was 21-0 in the first quarter at Wisconsin, there was a telling shot of Brohm on the sideline looking as genuinely clueless as to what was happening as would have either of his two inept predecessors.
That’s why this past Sunday, I had my “Jobu” moment with Jeff Brohm. I’m here to tell you now Coach Brohm that if I put my faith in Purdue football again and you pull another bed-shit like you did on Saturday, I will say “Fuck You, Jeff Brohm Jobu!”
But I think we all know that even with such a strong declaration, I’m not giving up the faith when it comes to gambling. Despite the torpedo-job Brohm and his boilers tried to lay on the J-Dub Gambling Challenge Bankroll, I still managed to break the three-week losing streak. The bankroll added $185, making the season total $5,420 from the original $5K.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.
That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.
Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…
Purdue is idle this week
Introduced by our own guest columnist King George VI (the grandfather of the current King Charles III), this feature is all about the line of the week that’s so outrageous it’s almost as crazy as we Americans find the idea of a monarch.
Colorado State at Boise State (-25) O/U 42.5 $50 Over
We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Oregon Ducks
Oregon (-17.5) at California O/U 57.5 $100 Oregon
It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”
Texas Christian (-6.5) at West Virginia O/U 68.5 $500 Texas Christian
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