Fans of this conference are all too familiar with this situation. One upset tosses the standings into a potential collision between at least four teams, leading to the usual punditry about tie-breakers and “if team x beats team y” scenarios. How fitting was it that the catalyst upset for the 2009 Train Wreck was brought… Read More College Football Week 7 – The Week the Big Ten Formed its Annual Train Wreck
We are suckers for lists. VH-1 always manages to suck people in with those “100 greatest songs of the 80’s” nostalgia-fests. Not to mention we sports fans never met a list over which we didn’t love to drunkenly argue. There’s even a website dedicated to such listery. I’m no different; I can play moth to the candle… Read More Ten Nobel Prize Injustices and Their Equivalent Sports Injustices
1) Hotty Toddy Gosh Almigh…FAAACK!!! When Houston Nutt’s Ole Miss Rebels travel to Columbia for a showdown with the South Carolina ‘Cocks of the “Ol’ Ball Coach,” and you put it on national television, entertainment should abound. First of all, there’s at least three good Beavis and Butthead-types jokes in the prior sentence alone. Then there’s always… Read More College Football Week 4 – The FAAACK! Edition
Mention the movie “A Star Is Born,” and the TCM-o-phile in me comes right out. I’m not the only one; it seems that every generation feels the need to remake this classic. Legendary Hollywood mogul David O. Selznick first made this movie in 1937. Another, and undeniably the best version starred Judy Garland and James… Read More Steve Sarkisian – A Star Is Born
“Mr. Kiffin, we have some good news, and some bad news…” It’s not like Tennessee-Florida is a rivalry with enough heat in it, Lane Kiffin seriously upped the ante when he took the Volunteers’ top job. Upon arriving in Knoxville last winter, he immediately stoked Vol Nation with promises of singing “Rocky Top” in Gainesville… Read More College Football Week 3 – Stuff You Hopefully Already Know
Thanks to Adam Richman, I now know that is actually possible to gastrointestinally rape one’s self. So that there is no possibility of missing the full experience, Richman has demonstrated two ways in which to leave your colon a golf-bag sized miasma of undigested beef and guatemalan insanity peppers. Each week, he either attempts to eat… Read More Man vs. Food – The Lane Kiffin Word-Eating Edition
No, the Right Reverend Houston Dale Nutt is not fisting Jim Rome…yet. Rather, these are just the themes from the latest examples of the completely bi-polar nature of the Nutt, and by extension, any institution affiliated with the Rt. Rev. Houston Nutt is just a head-scratching, what-the-hell-happened-there type enigma. I can’t decide whether the man is geniunely bat-shit crazy,… Read More Houston Nutt Bi-Polar Update: Rome Gets the Rubber Glove Treatment
Ohio State Gets Pushed Around Again It doesn’t matter how long you lead the game, it is who leads at the end that matters. Everybody else is focused on the Ohio State Pentitentiary University coughing up its fifth straight loss against a Top 5 opponent, but it matters more why they lost. When it came… Read More College Football Week 2 – Stuff That Will Get Overlooked But Probably Shouldn’t
On the last episode of “Guess That Gender,” guest judge Crocodile Dundee stated clearly that South African runner Caster Semenya was a dude. Now, some other Aussies, the kind with those juicy, delicious science brains concur. Two Australian newspapers reported Friday that gender tests show the world champion athlete has no ovaries or uterus and internal… Read More Dude Looks Like Lady, Part Deux
Once again, the balance of power in the Big Eleven Ten lies in ruins. Once again, the Ohio State Penitentiary University starts a campaign highly-ranked, only to suffer a big early season loss. Of course, these shifts in the balance of power occur because tOSPU dominates the Big Eleven Ten landscape in much the same… Read More Inglourious Buckeyes – The Tarantino View of Ohio State
Two things that everybody will be talking about around the Tuesday morning water cooler: LeGarrette Blount’s knuckles and Sam Bradford’s shoulder. Sure, those are the headlines from the opening weekend of college football, but they threaten to overshadow some other stories that need to be heard as well as some factors within those two tales… Read More College Football Week 1 – Stuff That Will Get Overlooked But Shouldn’t
It used to be when you thought of scary places in Indiana, your mind went right to Gary. Not the Gary of “Music Man” fame; the Gary that hangs like an infected hemorrhoid from the inflamed rectum of Chicago, the place that produced really scary guys like Joe Jackson and “Mongo.” But the epicenter of… Read More Watch Your Ass in Bloomington – Indiana Has “The Pistol”
Man, where do I begin with this one? Is it their psychopathic asshole legendary coach who got fired for slugging an opposing player? Is it the fact that they have made a completely ridiculous tradition of some tuba player who is usually so fat it is a miracle they can still bend over? Is it… Read More Teams That Grind My Gears: The Ohio State Buckeyes
“I got screwed hard up on Rocky Top…” The crybabies at the University of Tennessee are at it again; they believe Heisman voting has historically been unfair to them. They believe this so fervently that the Volunteer athletic department is peppering the south with billboards and engaging in a public relations campaign promoting safety Eric… Read More Teams That Grind My Gears: The Tennessee Volunteers
The University of Wisconsin, the epicenter of higher learning in the same state that brought you tail-gating in sub-zero weather drinking some sort of homemade concoction from a plastic jug, has determined that exposure to alcohol is not healthy for their legions of fans. So, in their higher wisdom, they have discontinued beer ads during… Read More Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: Wisconsin Bans Beer Ads During Football Games
If nothing else, the Ohio State Penitentiary University has for far too long been amongst the elite of the Big Eleven Ten. Thanks to the “Crazed Librarian,” since 2002 the Buckeyes sport a 47-9 mark in conference play, leading to five conference titles and a national championship. In short, tOSPU has been a royal pain… Read More The Paterno Formula for Beating Ohio State
Joe Paterno has spent a lot of the last decade being hassled by officials and listening to a lot of “old” jokes. We all know every referee in the conference has had it out for JoePa ever since he was hanging effigies of them on the front door of his house (don’t think every PSU fan in… Read More Penn State ’09 – Let the Seal-Clubbings Begin
Apparently, there is a rule in the blogosphere that says if you tag more than three posts with “college football,” you are required to do a pre-season ranking. Failing to do so can mean having your nose flayed, your genitals set on fire, and having to listen to Lee Corso prattle on endlessly about being… Read More The Dubsism Pre-Season College Football Rankings ‘09
Leave it to Giant Drum A&M Purdue to be the latest school to put names on the backs of the jerseys. And Brandon King is all for it (from JConline) “It’s cool, isn’t it? I like it,” King said. “People won’t just say, ‘Hey, No. 7!’ We all get that. ‘Can I get your wristband,… Read More Of Course, This Assumes Basic Literacy in Boiler Nation
“Yeah, I’m looking for a Jacques Strap…” OK, time to get serious here, or at least as serious as one can get on a story about funny names. As far as fodder for fun is concerned, I thought there was no way one could beat Kyle Sackrider and Jim Bob Cooter. Man, was I wrong.… Read More The College Football All-Time Name Team
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