If you are of my ethnic construct and age, you likely know the term “Paper Bag Test.” Sports has a “paper bag test” all its own, and it is just as unflattering. In this case, the paper bag was used to hide being a fan of a dreadful organization. The following is a list of… Read More Great Moments in the History of Paper Bags
I swear to God, I’m am going to absolutely lose my shit the next time I hear somebody tell me Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback ever. Spare me, the only thing Tom Brady might be the most ever is overrated. Take a minute to let that sink in. I fully understand that I’m calling… Read More Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For…Tom Brady
1) New England Patriots Why They Can Win: If you ever needed proof the Patriots are a dynasty like the Steelers of the 70’s and 49ers of the 80’s, the fact that I get violent nausea just mentioning Tom Brady or Bill Belichick should tel the tale. In comparison, just mentioning the New York Yankess… Read More The NFL Playoffs – The Definitive Dubsism Oddsmaker’s View
Let’s just cut to the chase here…everybody else does some sort of “Year End” list, here’s our obligatory ramble on what we consider to be the 15 most significant sporting occurrances in 2010. Honorable mention: The Vuvuzela What began as a seemingly harmless noisemaker instead became a symbol of what happens when you hold a… Read More The Dubsism Top Fifteen Sports Events of 2010
Now that we have 13 weeks of the NFL season behind us, it time to take a hard look at what we thought would happen versus what did. In other words, it is time for another one of those exercises we love here at Dubsism about how wrong we were. The problem is we were… Read More The Dubsism NFL Power Rankings: The Verge of the Playoffs Edition
In all honesty, one can make a bunch of jokes about how the roof of the “Humptydome” coming down is just a metaphor for all the terrible teams that have played under the Teflon Sky. Make a list and see the trail of sporting tears that have called the Metrodome home. The only resident still… Read More The Real Reason The Metrodome Roof Collapsed
Does a former drill sergeant make a terrible therapist? Let’s put it this way: Up until now, during this season the only person that didn’t know Favre’s career was over was Favre. Forget about the “streak,” forget about “Weiner-gate,” forget about his usual symphony of indecision. Look at the fact he’s selling “See Ya” souvenirs… Read More Ask The Geico Guy: Is This The End For Brett Favre?
Let’s start with who I am…I’m a guy who played football at the D-II college level; I’m a middle-aged professional now who has 15 years experience in management. I am an engineer, and I make a living diagnosing problems and devising solutions. If you will, here are those skills described in a quasi-BS “elevator speech”… Read More Open Letter to Football Teams Firing Their Head Coach: Why You Should Hire Me
Since we last visited this topic, there have been many changes. Tim Brewster at Minnesota did indeed bite the dust with the rare mid-season canning; while some have gotten closer to being next, while others have likely saved their skins. But just for fun, since some of the coaches who are clearly under fire are… Read More Coaches’ Death Watch: The Universal Football Edition
Either ESPN’s Chris McKendry just uh…gagged on this or it is the Freudian slip of all time. Either way, there’s much hilarity at the 21 second mark. Of course, the fact that I’m making Roethlisberger jokes has nothing to do with the fact that Big Ben’s performance last night cocked my fantasy football team…
Seriously, when it comes to the Minnesota Vikings, I’m getting tired of giving the “I Told You So Speech.” The very first post in the history of this blog was a rant about the attention being paid to a beat-up “has been” who stood little chance of getting the Vikings into the Super Bowl. Even… Read More The “I Told You So” Speech on Randy Moss – The Breakdown
It may be that I finally have become the grumpy old man (it doesn’t help that I idolize Joe Paterno), but given some recent past events, I think we are witnessing the destruction of what was once the wonder of sports. Honestly, I’m a middle-aged guy whose formative years were in the late 70’s and… Read More Why Sports Will Suck In The Future
I’ll be honest; I don’t really give a shit about the Washington Redskins because, well, let’s be even more honest, there hasn’t been a reason to pay attention to them in close to twenty years. But they have a rabid and devoted fan base and I share something with at least one member of that… Read More Open Letter To Albert Haynesworth: “You’re a Washed-Up Has-Been Asshole”
We have a critical problem in this country. We have far too many people who think they are perfectly qualified for jobs that they don’t have the first clue how to do. You can thank video games for that. Would you pay to listen to a Guitar Hero concert? Would you trust a pilot trained… Read More Open Letter To Football Fans: You Could Not Be A Coach Despite How Good You Are At Madden
So, a professional athlete who is worth millions of dollars can’t get a woman. That officially makes going to the gym today exceptionally pointless. If T.O.’s washboards abs and seven-figure salary can’t get him laid, why the hell am I killing myself on the Stairmaster? Flamboyant footballer Terrell Owens has tapped a matchmaking service to… Read More Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: Terrell Owens Hires “Find-A-Date”
Let’s be honest…one of the reasons women drive men crazy is because they always want mutually exclusive things. If you don’t believe that, just ask a single woman under the age of 30 what her “dream” man would be like, and you will get a litany of things that simply don’t go together. Comedian Dave… Read More Great…Now The NFL Is Acting Like A Woman. Joe Paterno To The Rescue!
20) The Rose Bowl – Pasadena, California Much your grandfather who fought in World War II, The Rose Bowl is all about what once was. The fact that we keep sticking modern Super Bowls in this ancient edifice means once every few years is not reminder enough of how antiquated this stadium is. If it… Read More The 20 Worst Sports Venues In America
Let this be a lesson to males everywhere. If you get accused of sending pictures of your wang with your cell phone, God will nail you in the crank with a football. It is more proof God hates Brett Favre.
1) The “Sack Dance” is completely out of control. Seriously, what the hell do you call this? The “guy getting hit with a cattle prod?” “The funky gallbladder?” 2) Tom Brady has Douche-Hair. Remember when Tom Brady burst onto the scene as a 6th-rounder injury replacement for Drew Bledsoe? You liked him then; he was… Read More Four Things We’ve Learned About the NFL Heading Into Week Five
This is the problem faced by the NFL. The Roethlisberger incident set the precedent in which the NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell acted swiftly and decisively handing out punishment in a instance where there was determined to be no criminal conduct. Now, you have an issue involving the biggest “box office” draw in the league with some pretty solid evidence of a crime being committed (we checked, it is in fact illegal to send people pictures of your wiener). … Read More Brett Favre’s Penis and Other Things Roger Goodell Doesn’t Want To Touch
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