What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
1) The “Sack Dance” is completely out of control.
Seriously, what the hell do you call this? The “guy getting hit with a cattle prod?” “The funky gallbladder?”
2) Tom Brady has Douche-Hair.
Remember when Tom Brady burst onto the scene as a 6th-rounder injury replacement for Drew Bledsoe? You liked him then; he was the underdog, All-American sort of guy. But now success has clearly gone to his hear; literally. I don’t mind that he has done all sorts of things I’m never going to do; I’m not winning three Super Bowl rings while banging super-models on a giant pile of cash. But I’m also not going to wear a hairstyle so obnoxious that it makes Ron Jaworski almost vomit on live television. In the immortal words of Abe Simpson “Johnny Unitas, now there was a haircut you could set your watch to!”
3) The 49ers will never win with fans like this.
The football gods hate three things: Idiot fans, obnoxious fans, and people who have an undying need to make everything about themselves. You know this guy is all three. First of all, just looking at this guy you can smell the bus-station piss-reek. This matted clump of cat’s ass-hair hasn’t showered since the last time he was deloused by the county and there may be a family of possums living in that beard. Then there’s his hat. I don’t recall the 49ers ever having green in their uniforms nor do they have propellers on their heads. Maybe in this lunatic’s most recent acid trip the Niners were the Quisp cereal guy in a miscolored Superman t-shirt. Before you say a word in response to this, ask yourself how you would feel after paying $200 to sit next to this clown for three and a half hours. You’d be the first one to shove that banjo up his ass.
4) Colts fans aren’t very smart.
For example, they can’t tell the difference between a baseball game and a football game. At a baseball game, they let you keep a ball that ends up in the stands. You know why? Because a baseball costs about four bucks. If you hadn’t noticed, at football games they put up giant nets to keep footballs from flying into the crowd on field goals and extra points? You know why? Because a football costs about sixty bucks. So, following that logic, do you think they might come get a four-hundred dollar helmet back? Worse yet, everybody was so distracted by that stupid helmet they didn’t notice Bigfoot is a bead-wearing Peyton Manning fan.