The Kansas City Chiefs Are A Bit Better: Now 100% Chan Gailey Free!
Well, not by much. Actually, they are still pretty much a prime example of fully-reversible, three-speed, nuclear-powered suck. They would be the laughing stock of the NFL except Cincinnati and Oakland still have teams. But by firing Chan Gailey last week, the Chefs Chiefs got a little bit better.
For those of you that don’t know, Chan Gailey is the greatest offensive mind in the history of football. For years, and through every stop on the trail of tears known as his career, the Chan-man has been touted as an offensive genius. But Todd Haley would rather call him a trend-setter.
Last week, the rookie Kansas City Chiefs coach fired Gailey from the offensive coordinator job, then assumed that role himself. It is highly unusual to fire a coach mere days before the start of the season, but since then, two more offensive coordinators got the boot, Turk Schonert in Buffalo and Jeff Jagodzinski in Tampa Bay. Once again, Gailey is the trail-blazer.
But rather than focus on the fact the Chiefs may be making a bid for most dysfunctional organization in the league, let’s celebrate the feces-matted clump of cat’s ass hair that is Gailey’s career. To fully examine Gailey’s career as a coach, one must fully understand the term “never;” his bio is full of them.
- As a professional head coach, Gailey never won a playoff game (two seasons with the Dallas Plowboys Cowboys, and two with the Birmingham Fire of the World League of American Football).
- In six years at Georgia Tech, Gailey never beat primary rival Georgia.
- Gailey has never taken a team to a “big” bowl game.
In all honesty, Gaileys’ bio from the Chiefs web site says it all.
A 35-year coaching veteran, Gailey is respected across the coaching ranks for his innovative and resourceful approach to the game, always taking full advantage of the talent available to him.
You have to understand what that truly means. Gailey is the offensive genius who while running the Denver Broncos offense found ways not to win with a hall-of-fame quarterback in John Elway. Gailey is the offensive genius who while running the Dallas Plowboys Cowboys offense found ways not to win with a trio of hall-of-famers (Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, Michael Irvin). To this day, all you have to do to send any Georgia Tech fan into a seething, bile-shooting-from-the-eyes rage is say two words: Reggie Ball.
Perhaps the bast way to describe the level to which Chan Gailey has perfected the art of being a complete shit-for-brains is to borrow a bit from a Georgia Tech alum. Take it, Jeff…
If, because of sheer football idiocy, you’ve been banned from ever returning to both Dallas and Miami, you might be Chan Gailey.
If Ted Kennedy knows more about conducting a drive than you do, you might be Chan Gailey.
If your offense reeks so bad that even the loneliest dog wouldn’t hump its leg, you might be Chan Gailey.
If Florida Gator fans deny your existence, you might be Chan Gailey.
If you are going to get sued by Jeff Foxworthy for cribbing his bit, you might be the guy who really hates Chan Gailey.
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