What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
For those of you unfamiliar with the term “Wingman,” it is simply a guy who will run some interference while you attempt to secure female companionship for the evening. Think of it an offensive lineman blocking off the ugly chick while you as the quarterback look to go deep with her hot friend. This is a system that has worked throughout history, but apparently it breaks down if you really are a lineman and a quarterback.
It seems as part of the Georgia Bureau of Investigation’s (GBI) probe of the Ben Roethlisberger matter, Pittsburgh Steeler offensive tackle Willie Colon seemed unamused by using his 315-heft to run nightclub interference for Big Ben. In a March 13 interview with the criminal investigators, Colon recalled the events of the night last month that ended with a female college student accusing Roethlisberger of raping her in the bathroom of a Georgia nightclub. As the GBI report notes, Colon described how women swarmed around the quarterback as he went on a bar-crawl. Colon went on to add he didn’t enjoy how “girls continued to try to talk to Roethlisberger through him.” Women “were continually attempting to get Roethlisberger’s attention,” Colon grew tired of this and left.
However, when the party resumed at yet another nightclub, Colon found the ratio of males to females to be slanted to far in the “sausage party” direction. In order to solve this problem, only women were allowed into the exclusive VIP section of the club. Of course, we know all know what happened next, but if you started this article unaware of the term “Wingman,” you likely are also oblivious to the two “Wingman” laws which were violated in this case.
First of all, Colon violated rule Number 1: NEVER LEAVE YOUR WINGMAN! Sure, it may not be fun, and there may be no glory, but you volunteered for the duty and this is a team effort. As much as it sucks, you have to stay in the trenches until your partner gives you the “break-off” signal.
But worst of all is Roethlisberger’s failure to let his Wingman “wet his beak.” It was Roethlisberger’s responsibility to hook up his Wingman when Big Ben found himself knee-deep in attention-seeking bimbos. More importantly, as a quarterback, you always take care of the hands that take care of you.
Ben, you had better get Willie laid before September or he just might let you get planted like a flower.
What The Dubsists Thought…