Drinking to Enjoy Vin Scully
Last night, the Dodgers avoided a sweep of the season series with their crosstown betters. Still, even though I’ve been a life-long Angels fan, Vin Scully as the “voice of the Dodgers” is one of the voices of baseball that should never be forgotten. This may be the last time I may hear Scully doing a Freeway Series; he has been a bit Favre-ian in his retirement plans.
Despite that, of all the things completely detestable about the Los Angeles Dodgers, Vin Scully is not one of them; far from it actually. Scully truly is (cue cliché in 3…2…1…) “the last of the Mohicans;” the old-school baseball announcers you watch as much for them as the game, sometimes even more.
But since Scully has been the voice of the Dodgers since 1951, sacrifices have to be made, namely to my liver. In other words, bourbon can be the key to getting through nine innings of Dodger Blue. Naturally this lead to the development of the “Love Vin Scully/Hate the Dodgers” drinking game. Like all great drinking games, the rules are simple enough to aid comprehension, which can become an issue as early as the 2nd inning.
Take One Drink:
- For each Dodger left in scoring position (double if Manny Ramirez is on the field during the death of the rally)
- Vin Scully does an ad during the action – example: “Let’s take time out from that triple play to talk about Farmer John’s Pure Pork Sausage.”
- Joe Torre is shown sitting on the bench (double if he is leaning on the dugout rail)
- Matt Kemp whiffs at a high pitch
- Vin Scully refers to something that happened more than 20 years ago
- Manny Ramirez strikes out (double if he Ks looking)
- A Dodger hits into a double play (double if Andre Ethier, triple if James Loney is on the field, and triple if Manny Ramirez is on the field)
- Vin Scully injects a fact about a player – example: “There’s a fastball for strike two…Matt Kemp, born in Oklahoma.”
- For each Dodger base-running gaffe
- Vin Scully refers to Matt Kemp as “Kent”
If the “guy next to Vin” (whose actual existence is only rumored, much in the same vein as Bigfoot) says anything during the game, drink everything you have, including mouthwash, after-shave, and brake fluid. Vin works alone, damnit; but then again, Vin doesn’t need anybody to be his wing-man. Vin is the Lord and High-Master of all mike-men; he’s the reason I keep watching Dodger games. How can you not love a man who has said such things as?
“The Dodgers are such a .500 team that if there was a way to split a three-game series, they’d find it.”
“(Roberto) Clemente could field the ball in New York and throw out a guy in Pennsylvania.”
“Statistics are used much like a drunk uses a lamp post: for support, not illumination.”
“Football is to baseball as blackjack is to bridge. One is the quick jolt. The other the deliberate, slow-paced game of skill, but never was a sport more ideally suited to television than baseball. It’s all there in front of you. It’s theatre, really. The star is the spotlight on the mound, the supporting cast fanned out around him, the mathematical precision of the game moving with the kind of inevitability of Greek tragedy. With the Greek chorus in the bleachers!”
“I said to him, ‘Joe (Garagiola), you played a long time, but I’ve broadcast as many games as you’ve played, and then some. So if you’re gonna talk “inside baseball,” you tell the fans the “inside baseball.” But don’t tell me.’”
Mr. Scully will NOT be your designated driver.
If you’ve never experienced the joy that is Vin Scully, here is one of the great Scully calls of all time re-enacted with Nintendo RBI Baseball. Simply put, of the Dodgers evils I’ve ranted about, none can erase the joy of listening to Vin Scully.
Of course, the drinking has nothing to do with it.
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