What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
Do you remember this guy? His name is Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, but you likely know him as “Baghdad Bob.” We all came to know him during the 2003 invasion of Iraq, during which he was the Iraqi Information Minister under Saddam Hussein.
Realistically, he was a comical figure as a mouthpiece for Saddam’s regime; his specialty was laughably myopic and propagandized malarchy, extolling the invincibility of the Iraqi Army while the 3rd Infantry and 1st Marine Divisions were “Doing the Dougie” down main street Baghdad. The lies he spread were intended for an Iraqi domestic audience subject to Saddam’s cult of personality and total state censorship, but once they made it into the Western media, they were met with widespread howls of laughter and derision.
Frank McCourt should hire him immediately.
If you’ve heard any of McCourt’s recent appearances on sports radio, it is clear he is unable to sell his own bullshit; he clearly needs a professional. McCourt continues to spout the Dodger party line that Major League Baseball’s seizure of the club is “Un-American” and that “nothing is wrong with the Dodgers” even in the face of reports that the Dodgers don’t have the cash to make payroll this month.
NEW YORK (AP)—Major League Baseball believes the Los Angeles Dodgers do not have enough money to make their end of May payroll, a person familiar with the team’s finances told The Associated Press. The person spoke Wednesday on condition of anonymity because MLB’s investigation of the team’s finances under owner Frank McCourt is ongoing. The Los Angeles Times first reported that the Dodgers lacked the cash to make their May 31 payroll. The person said that if the Dodgers don’t have the money, MLB would step in and make payroll.
“The fact that we had obligations coming due in 2011 was no surprise to us and no surprise to Major League Baseball,” Dodgers owner Frank McCourt said in a statement to the AP.
“We developed a plan which eventually became the Fox transaction. We’ve been working on that plan, in different versions, for the last six months,” McCourt said. “That is a transaction that is now completely negotiated, ready to be signed, and ready to be closed. It’s the series of delays in allowing us to close this transaction that has created the problem here. Otherwise, there would be no problem here. My recent investment into the club was necessitated by the delay.”
McCourt has publicly complained Selig has refused to approve a 17-year contract with Fox that could be worth more than $3 billion, a deal that would include a front-loaded payment of about $300 million.
The commissioner’s office effectively took control of the team on April 20, and former Texas Rangers president Tom Schieffer was appointed the team’s monitor six days later by baseball Commissioner Bud Selig. Schieffer must approve any transaction over $5,000.
Based on its opening-day payroll of $103.8 million, the Dodgers’ payroll for its major league roster in the second half of May will be approximately $8.25 million. The figure includes 16 days salary, but not any signing bonus payments that happen to fall due.
McCourt, involved in a contentious divorce, took a $30 million loan from Fox, the team’s television partner, in the weeks leading up to Selig’s decision to appoint a monitor. Baseball was concerned that McCourt was removing assets from the franchise, once considered one of the premier teams in the sport.
Let’s imagine that instead of saying shit nobody believes himself, let’s say McCourt has hired the Minister of Information to do the bullshitting for him…
REPORTER: Is it true the Dodgers don’t have the money to make payroll this month?
MINISTER: Absolutely not. In fact, not only do we have the money for this month’s payroll, we actually have enough money to pay every salary of every employee on the planet for the next 5o years. We have deliberately portrayed ourselves in a financially weak manner to lure our enemies into a false sense of security.
REPRORTER: If that’s true, then why did McCourt take that $20 million loan from Fox.
MINISTER: Again, that was part of our deception. We have actually already repaid that loan in full, in cash wired into an off-shore bank account, and the Fox people trust us implicitly, so there was no need for such bothersome details like receipts.
REPORTER: Uh-huh…So then why such urgency to get the deal with Fox, and it’s front-load of $300 million.
MINISTER: When you have as much money as we do, it is essential that you maintain a certain level of liquidity in all the important currencies – Deutschmarks, Francs, Pound Sterling, Japanese Yen, Monopoly, et cetera…One of our advisors, one who is no longer with us, gave us some erroneous advice that the stone currency used on the island of Yap was an excellent hedge against inflation, and once we invested $500 billion in that currency, we found it was nearly impossible on a near-term basis to trade back out of that platform.
You get the idea…and if the Minister of Information isn’t available, may I suggest Jon Lovitz?