What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
For the third January in a row, we here at Dubsism will be handing out our coveted awards for various acheivements in the world of sport. If you are unfamiliar, you can check out the two previous Dubsy awards here and here. But the one thing we are doing differently this year is opening the floor for nominations for you, the blog-reading public who clearly has nothing better to do than read this dreck.
If you have time to read this, you likely have read a lot of other sports stuff, and therefore likely have a better idea of to whom to give this awards than our drunken bunch of keyboard droolers does. You can always check out our previous awards should you have any questions as the reasons for which the awards are given. You can also Google the people for whom the awards are named; both are telling, but most are pretty self-explanatory.
Having said that, here is the Dubsy award nomination ballot. Simply fill in your nominees (be sure to include pertinent facts; links to supporting evidence are always welcome, and depending on the reason for nomination, may be required by the Dubsism legal department), then copy and paste your ballot into an email addressed to firstname.lastname@example.org .
There are very few criteria for submitting a ballot:
We also will be giving honorable mentions to the best nominees which are pretty damn good, but didn’t win. For those, we will post your name and a link to your blog/webpage if you wish. If you don’t wish, then don’t give it to us…
Your Blog/Website/Facebook Page so people can worship your brilliant nomination:
The Mickey Klutts Award for Unfortunate Naming
Previous Winner: Gregor Fucka
The Bobby Knight Award for Achievements in Dramatic Public Meltdowns
Previous Winner: Former Cubs manager Lou Piniella
The Bevo and Ralphie Award for Mascot Buffoonery
Previous Winner: Alphie the Wolf (University of Nevada)
The Budd Dwyer Award for Excellence in Career Suicide
Previous Winner: Former Colorado head coach Dan Hawkins
The Ed Hochuli Award for the Best Call
Previous Winner: A guy holding a sign at a hockey game which said “Are you preganant, Ref? Because You’ve missed two periods!
The Jason Sehorn Award for Being Completely Overrated
Previous Co-Winners: Tim Tebow and LeBron James
The Clinton-Nixon Award for Cover-Up Futility
Previous Winner: Former USC Athletic Director Mike Garrett
The Charles O. Finley Award for Achievements in Cheap
Previous Winner: The Pittsburgh Pirates
The Joe Kapp Award for Being Run Out of Town
Previous Winner: Former Maryland head coach Ralph Friedgen
The Bobby Layne Award for Best Performance While Drunk
Previous Winner: Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee
The Kyle Orton Award for Achievements in Partying
Previous Winner: San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum
The Vasily Alexseyev Award For Plus-Sized Achievements
This is a new award named for the recently-departed greatest superheavyweight weightlifter the world has ever seen. While many of his records have since been broken, he remains the only competitor to set 80 of them. Despite his 50-inch waistline and proclivity for 36-egg omelettes, Alezseyev is one of the greatest athletes the world has ever seen, and this award will be given annually to another big guy whose done big things.
The Vinko Bogotaj Award For Epic Failure
Previous Winner: Xavier guard Dee Dee Jernigan
The Gene Mauch Lifetime Achievement Award
This award is given annually to somebody who has been around forever, but never won anything.
Previous Winner: Former Minnesota Vikings head coach Bud Grant
Nominations will be accepted until 3 p.m. Eastern (U.S.) time on January 6th, 2012.
Let your voice be heard, Dubsists. There’s close to 400,000 of you out there, so let’s really make these awards mean something…we simply cannot let the ESPYs stand as the standard in sports awards. Who gives a shit about what “30 by 30” movie was the best? Let’s make sure we are giving award for things we care about.
After all, aren’t we as the fans make sports matter in the first place?