There’s really nothing quite like the special level of hell reserved for when a current phenomenon inspires the return of one with a “retro” feel. Take the current Tim Tebow-mania which as we speak has a death-grip on the throat of the sports world. How would you feel about marrying that to the soundtrack from one of those god-awful 1980’s “Brat Pack” movies?

Well wonder no more…to the horror of eardrums around the world, it’s happened.

Remember “St. Elmo’s Fire?”  Apparently John Parr, the author of that bit of ear-rape, happens to be a serious fan of the Denver Broncos, and therefore a dedicated Tebow-phile. To honor his quarterback phenomenon, he’s rewritten the song to honor him.

Just because you don’t want to experience the feeling of a rabid weasel clawing your eardrums is no reason to miss out on this gold-medal level lyrical nut-kicking.

Growin’ up
Gotta keep your eye on the ball
Make it fly,
Give it everything, give your all
But maybe sometimes if you feel the pain
You’ll find you’re all alone
Everything has changed

Play the game
You know you can’t quit until it’s won
Soldier on
Only you can do what must be done

You know I’m out there
Down on one knee
A prisoner
And I’m tryin’ to break free

CHORUS:

I can see a new horizon
Underneath the blazin’ sky
I’ll be where the eagle’s
Flyin’ higher and higher

Gonna be a man in motion
All I needs my Broncos team
Take me where my future’s lyin’
Tim Tebows Fire

Oooh…

Burnin’ up
Don’t know just how far that I can go
(Just how far I go)
Soon be home
Only just 4 downs to go
I can make it
I know I can
You broke the boy in me
But you won’t break the man

(CHORUS)

I can see a new horizon
blazin on the Mile High
I’ll be where the eagle’s
Flyin’ higher and higher

Gonna be your man in motion

All I needs my Broncos team
Take me where my future’s lyin’
Tim Tebows Fire

I can climb the highest mountain
These Broncos cant be beat
I can feel St Elmo’s Fire burnin’ in me
Burnin’ in me

Just once in his life
A man has his time
And my time is now
And I’m comin’ alive

I can hear the music playin’
I can see the banners fly
Feel like a man again

I’ll hold my head high
Gonna be a man in motion
These broncos can’t be beat
Take me where my future’s lyin’
Tim Tebow’s fire

(CHORUS)

I can climb the highest mountain
Cross the wildest sea
I can feel St. Elmo’s Fire burnin’ in me

Burnin’
Burnin’ in me
I can feel it burnin’
Oooh, burnin’ inside of me

I don’t know about you, but I will be spending the rest of the afternoon stuffing a bottle brush in my ears.