What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
For the fifth January in a row, we here at Dubsism will be handing out our coveted awards for various achievements in the world of sport. And once again, we are opening the floor for nominations from you, the blog-reading public who clearly has nothing better to do than read this dreck.
If you have time to read this, you likely have read a lot of other sports stuff, and therefore likely have a better idea of to whom to give these awards than do our drunken bunch of keyboard droolers. You can always check out our previous awards should you have any questions as the reasons for which the awards are given. You can also Google the people for whom the awards are named; both are telling, but most are pretty self-explanatory.
Having said that, here is the Dubsy award nomination ballot. Simply fill in your nominees (be sure to include pertinent facts; links to supporting evidence are always welcome, and depending on the reason for nomination, it may be required by the Dubsism legal department), then copy and paste your ballot into an email addressed to firstname.lastname@example.org.
There are very few criteria for submitting a ballot:
We also will be giving honorable mentions to the best nominees which are pretty damn good, but didn’t win. For those, we will post your name and a link to your blog/webpage if you wish. If you don’t wish, then don’t give it to us…
For more information on last year’s winners, click here.
Your Blog/Website/Facebook Page so people can worship your brilliant nomination:
The Mickey Klutts Award for Unfortunate Naming
Previous Winner: Dong Dong, Chinese Olympic Trampolinist
The Bobby Knight Award for Achievements in Dramatic Public Meltdowns
Previous Winner: Morgan Uceny, USA Track and Field
The Bevo and Ralphie Award for Mascot Buffoonery
Previous Winner: Bailey, The Los Angeles Kings’ Mascot
The Budd Dwyer Award for Excellence in Career Suicide
Previous Winner: Former St. Louis Rams’ Defensive coordinator. Gregg Williams
The Ed Hochuli Award for the Best Call
Previous Winner: Dan McCarney, head football coach, University of North Texas
The Jason Sehorn Award for Being Completely Overrated
Previous Winner: Manti T’eo, Notre Dame Linebacker
The Clinton-Nixon Award for Cover-Up Futility
Previous Winner: Former Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton
The Charles O. Finley Award for Achievements in Cheap
Previous Winner: Matt Shaner, Owner, Pittsburgh Power
The Joe Kapp Award for Being Run Out of Town
Previous Winner: Danny Hope, Former Head Football Coach, Purdue University
The Bobby Layne Award for Best Performance While Drunk
Previous Winner: British Olympic Cyclist Bradley Wiggins
The Artis Gilmore Award for Achievements in Hair Boldness
Previous Winner: Former New England Patriots Defensive Back Tiquan Underwood
The Kyle Orton Award for Achievements in Partying
Previous Winner: James Harden of the Houston Rockets
The Vasily Alexseyev Award For Plus-Sized Achievements
Previous Winner: ESPN Sideline Reporter Holly Rowe
The Vinko Bogotaj Award For Epic Failure
Previous Winner: Los Angeles Kings Forward Dustin Penner
The Joe Theismann Award For Gruesome Injuries
Previous Winner: Former Tennessee Titans wide receiver Marc Mariani
The Gene Mauch Lifetime Achievement Award
This award is given annually to somebody who has been around forever, but never won anything.
Previous Winner: Rick Majerus
Nominations will be accepted until 3 p.m. Eastern (U.S.) time on Monday, December 30th, 2013.
Let your voice be heard, Dubsists. There’s over a million of you out there, so let’s really make these awards mean something…we simply cannot let the ESPYs stand as the standard in sports awards. Who gives a shit about what “30 by 30″ movie was the best? Let’s make sure we are giving award for things we care about.
After all, aren’t we as the fans what make sports matter in the first place?