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The Dubsism Comprehensive Pre-Season College Football Rankings

We are about a week away from that time of year which brings us the 12 greatest Saturdays of the year.  As part of the run-up to kick-off, once again we here at Dubsism are giving you a top-to-bottom ranking from people who actually watch college football.  That means you won’t get some of the non-sense “traditional” polls give you with the usual chronically over-rated suspects.  That also means our anking is a simple exercise in 1 through 128; best to worst.  We don’t give a shit about reputation, we don’t give a shit about regional issues, and we certainly don’t give a shit about schedules.  The team we pick #1 is the one we think is best and has the best chance to win a national championship; vice versa for the team we put at #128, with the usual value scale in-between.

The Top 25: The Only Ones We Know You Really Care About

1) Alabama The Crimson Tide suffered key losses on both sides of the ball, but this team reloads better than anybody else. Expect Nick Saban’s team to lean on its defense and ground attack until the offense finds stability at quarterback, and even if they don’t, they can ground and pound all the way.

pope urban I 2

2) Ohio State The Buckeyes have the fewest returning starters of any Power 5  Conference club. However, Pope Urban I has a Saban-like recruiting ability. They can reload faster than a Marine in a firefight.

3) Oklahoma  Bob Stoops and his Sooners are a heavy favorite to win the Big 12, but there are certainly no guarantees.  Heisman hopeful Baker Mayfield could quarterback OU to a playoff berth if the holes in both offensive and defensive lines have been sufficiently patched.

4) Clemson Everybody is slobbering over Deshaun Watson and the nation’s top receiving corps, but the Tiger defense may have been completely declawed.

5) LSU From one Tiger to another, expect another Leonard Fournette-led seal-clubbing of lesser SEC opponents on offense, and a brutal defense to give it a lot of short fields.  A play-off berth is not out of the question, but quarterback Brandon Harris and the passing game will need to show improvement over last year if they want to beat Alabama and capture the SEC.

6) Florida State  Everybody is in love with a Florida State which won 10 games in a “rebuilding” season, but nobody remembers this team still doesn’t have a quarterback and running back Dalvin Cook’s Heisman aspirations only go as far as his front five can lead him.  It is time for FSU fans to quit talking about season in which they beat both Florida and Miami, and start worrying about when they are going to lose to both of them.  That day is coming sooner than they want to admit.

7) Ole Miss  Yeah, I know this is the third SEC team in the top ten, and there’s a reason for that.  Hugh Freese has learned how to recruit to treplace three first-round picks departed for the NFL, and he’s got the trail of controversy to prove it.  Besides, the Rebels have the best QB in the conference in Chad Kelly, and they have a cornucopia of receiver depth to accompany him.

8 ) Washington Head coach Chris Petersen’s third year in Seattle could prove to be the one in which the Huskies arrive on the national stage. They are on the verge of a breakthrough year led by sophomores Jake Browning and Myles Gaskin.  The defense returns an octoplex of starters from a squad which allowed a measly 18.8 points a game last year in the pass-happy Pac-12.

9) Michigan State The Spartans have won no less than 11 games in 5 of the last 6 campaigns. Michigan State took some losses, namely quarterback Connor Cook, but Sparty may be the best “re-loader” in the B1G Ten not called Ohio State.

10) Stanford The Fighting Trees can go as far as stud ball-carrier Christian McCaffrey can take them…within reason.  He can take them to a conference title, and perhaps even a play-off spot.  But a national title might be what is known in corporate America as a “stretch goal.”

11) Michigan Don’t look now, but in a short period of time, head coach Jim Harbaugh has Michigan back in non-suck territory.  They still need a quarterback, but so do a lot of teams in the
B1G Ten.  Get ready for Alanis Morrisette-style irony in the fact that ex-Wolverine quarterback Harbuagh has a team loaded on defense.

12) Tennessee This might be the first time the Vols have merited mention this high since the Phil Fulmer days.  Yes, I’m only mentioning Phil Fulmer so I can use one of my favorite graphics ever.

fulmer drive thru

13) UCLA  The Bruins come into 2016 needing to answer more questions than a prospective juror during voir dire. They have the Pac-12’s top quarterback in Josh Rosen, and their schedule is friendlier than cross-town rival and fellow division favorite USC.

14) Georgia Long-time head coaching brides-maid Kirby Smart finally becomes a bride in Athens, where he inherits a cupboard left pretty stocked by Mark Richt, including one of the nation’s top quarterback recruits in Jacob Eason (Illinois and New England Patriot fans should recognize that surname, thanks to his dad Tony).

15) TCU The Horned Frogs are a long shot to take the Big 12 title.  The offense is thinner than a swimsuit model with a tapeworm, but the defense is as loaded as Johnny Manziel on “2 for 1” night.

16) Iowa The Hawkeyes burst on the big-time scene once again last year to silence the growing anti-Kirk Ferentz  cacophony.  This year sees them as a solid favorite to snatch the B1G Ten West.

17) Louisville This is a team that ended last season winning 6 of its last 7 games. They come in to 2016 with 16 returning starters and an interesting quarterback in Lamar Jackson.

18) Florida On the defensive side of the ball, the Gators rank among  the best in the SEC.  On offense, they sputtered for a scant 12.6 points per game in their final 6 in 2015.  Gator nation is resting it’s hopes on Oregon State transfer Luke Del Rio (yes, Jack’s son) as their new starter under center.

19) Miami Call me crazy, but I see big things in Miami’s  future, namely because they got a great coach who got run out of Georgia in Mark Richt. His return to South Beach could be just what a beleaguered program like Miami needs to find its way to their initial trip to the ACC Championship Game. He’s also another new coach with a highly-regarded quarterback in junior Brad Kaaya.

20) USC What kind of pressure could there possibly be in being the Trojan head coach in a season where a) they just fired the star head coach,  b) have been in an era of mediocrity since Pete Carroll left town, and c) are competing for the Los Angeles football dollar with the NFL?  Top that off with the fact USC has one of college football’s toughest schedules, and head coach Clay Helton’s first full season is going to be a rough one.  But, he’s also at USC which never has problems getting players.

21) North Carolina College football fans need to get ready to learn a new name: Mitch Trubisky.  The Tar Heels quarterback is a rising star, and the rest of the squad promises to turn head as well.  Not to mention,  Gene Chizik returns to his best role as defensive coordinator rather than being college football’s version of Wade Phillips; the guy who’s so good as coordinator he keeps getting head coaching jobs.

22) Oklahoma State The quarterback-wide receiver combination of Mason Rudolph and James Washington should keep the Cowboys near the top of the Big 12.  The difference between this year and last season’s 10-win squad is in the offensive line.

23) Oregon Ex-Michigan head coach Brady Hoke has a revamped offensive line protecting a quarterback transferring in from the FCS ranks.  Plus, the Duck defense needs to improve from last year’s surrendering of 37.5 points per game.

24) Arkansas Head coach Bret Bielema has another SEC squad featuring a punishing defense, but needs to retool an offense that lost quarterback Brandon Allen, running back Alex Collins and a handful of other key players.

25) Baylor So, it’s the post-Art Briles era in Waco. So what? Baylor still has plenty of talent, but new coach Jim Grobe inherits a team with line of scrimmage issues on both sides of the ball…probably enough to keep them from a shot at the Big 12 title.

The Best of The Rest – Teams You Will Likely See in This Year’s Three-Week Bowl-Gasm

The title of this section really tells you all you need to know.  Including the championship game, there are 41 post-season games in the upcoming college football season, which means there will be 82 teams filling out that schedule.  Here’s who we think the “best of the rest” will be.

26) Texas A&M

27) Virginia Tech

28) Washington State

29) Nebraska

30) Notre Dame

31) Utah

32) Boise State

33) Auburn

redneck frame34) Wisconsin

35) San Diego State

36) Pitt

37) South Florida

38) Mississippi State

39) Texas Tech

40) West Virginia

41) Penn State

42) BYU

43) California

44) Northwestern

45) Texas

46) Kansas State

47) Arizona State

48) Georgia Tech

49) Air Force

50) Cincinnati

51) Duke

52) Arizona

53) Temple

54) Kentucky

55) Appalachian State

56) Vanderbilt

57) Missouri

58) Indiana

59)Virginia

60) North Carolina State

61) South Carolina

62) Colorado

63) Wake Forest

64) Boston College

65) Minnesota

66) Western Michigan

67) Maryland

68) Navy

69) Iowa State

70) Southern Mississippi

71) Middle Tennessee State

72) Illinois

73) Marshal

74) Connecticut

75) Syracuse

76) Northern Illinois

77) Western Kentucky

78) Arkansas State

79) Georgia Southern

80) Toledo

81) Utah State

82) Memphis

Maybe Next Year…Maybe

Again, this should be self-explanatory.  The top two-thirds of teams in college get to go bowling, and the bottom-dwellers don’t. It’s that simple.

83) Tulsa

84) Rutgers

85) Central Michigan

86) Louisiana Tech

87) Nevada

88) Colorado State

90) New Mexico

91) Oregon State

92)Ohio

93) Texas-El Paso

94) San Jose State

95) East Carolina

96) Bowling Green

97) Akron

purdue toiletmakers

98) Purdue

99) SMU

100) Florida Atlantic

101) Kansas

102) Central Florida

103) Troy

104) UNLV

105) Old Dominion

106) Florida International

107) Rice

108) Louisiana -Lafayette

109) Fresno State

110) Army

111) Georgia State

112) Miami, Ohio

113) Ball State

114) Wyoming

115) South Alabama

116) Buffalo

117) Idaho

118) New Mexico State

119) Tulane

120) Hawaii

121) Kent State

123) Eastern Michigan

124) Texas State

125) Texas-San Antonio

126) Charlotte

127) Louisiana-Monroe

128) Massachusetts

About J-Dub

What your view of sports would be if you had too many concussions

2 comments on “The Dubsism Comprehensive Pre-Season College Football Rankings

  1. SportsChump
    August 27, 2016

    Just out of curiosity, what was the logic in hosting an NCAA football game in Australia? Pac-12 looking to expand?

    Like

    • J-Dub
      August 27, 2016

      That’s a damn good question.

      Like

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