What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
To paraphrase flash-in-the-pan rapper turned cartoon voice Tone Loc, “I get paid betting and that’s a wild thing.” OK, I’ll admit that’s a bigger stretch than the waistband in Michael Moore’s expand-a-belt pants, but you what? These jokes don’t write themselves, and when you call yourself a professional gambler and a weekend’s plays of almost $1,500 dollars net a total profit of 60 measly bucks, there isn’t going to be room in the budget to hire a gag writer.
What isn’t a stretch is I’ve picked up on a new operating hypothesis. Until further notice, the ACC will be known as the “Almost Collected Cash” conference. The ACC is why the J-Dub Gambling Challenge only picked up $60 last week. Don’t get me wrong, winning even a small amount is far better than losing, but let’s be honest, 60 bucks doesn’t exactly feed the bulldog. This week, you can thank the ACC for that.
It started when North Carolina decided they don’t want to be considered a big-time program even though they have the cheating record to do it when they laid down against California. I love Paul Johnson’s program at Georgia Tech, except when he coaches them up enough to hose what should have been a guaranteed cover. Notre Dame treats the ACC like the long-term “freind with benefits” whose never going to more than a late-night back-up spooge receptacle, but at least they can come up with the occasional “broken condom” over play.
In any event, the beauty of last week is it isn’t this week. That’s the silver lining to the cloud that is gambling. It’s just like Paula Abdul checking out of rehab; there’s always the promise of a new day. What all comes down to is heading in week 3, the J-Dub Gambling Challenge bankroll stands at $5,088.
Having said that, let’s get ready to gamble…
DISCLAIMER: Because gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir… and when it comes to gambling, I slice like Jack the Ripper working the deli coumter on crystal meth. That’s why this in no way, shape or form is a gambling advice column, and all “bets” are mythical in nature. In other words, don’t come crying to me when you lose your house payment betting real money like I’m “betting” Monopoly money.
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
Auburn at Clemson (-5) O/U 53.5
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
Stanford at Southern California (-7) O/U 56
$500 Southern California
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So Milhouse and I had Maryland, South Carolina to the good last week… and Sumlin.
That useless bastard cost us about $600 each on a $3 three-teamer.
That money would have come in handy for all this Irma repair.
So you’re the one who sent Sumlin that fake letter…