The J-Dub Gambling Challenge 2017: The “Now I Know How Hillary Clinton Feels” Edition
Picture it. Two days before last November’s election, the “tea leaves” were pointing to Hillary Clinton winning the presidency. Every commonly accepted indicator seemed to bear that out. Even on the day of the election, the cable news networks seemed to be bracing for yet another Clinton administration. Even early on election night, things were certainly headed her way.
But it all started going sideways once Pennsylvania went to Donald Trump. “Sideways” became “condition critical” once Ohio went red. Once the usual bricks in the “blue wall” like Michigan and Wisconsin made it clear they wouldn’t be providing Hillary’s electoral salvation, it was all over but the blaming.
Going into this past Saturday, I thought I had a heavy-duty slate of winners. Again, everything pointed my way. The early-week lines were favorable, but not gaudy. Even when they began to drift as the money started coming in, they were moving my way. In other words, I hit the couch at noon on Saturday expecting the next twelve hours to be a veritable victory parade of wagering.
Then my own private Pennsylvania came in the form of UCLA-Memphis. As UCLA quarterback Josh Rosen tosses a pick-six by violating almost every single rule about throwing a football in a game, I’m reminded of what Clay “I like boobs” Travis said about this game.
Do I believe that Josh Rosen, the potential number one pick in the draft, is going to travel to the Liberty Bowl and lose to Riley Ferguson?
No way that’s happening.
So don’t overthink this, take UCLA and cash your check.
Now, I’m not blaming Travis because I’m not a pussy; I bet as he did because I agreed. You can’t go wrong betting on the better quarterback, But there’s a big caveat in there I forgot about. You can go wrong betting on the better quarterback if he tends to become a tapioca-brain when it matters.
Like the states which went red for Trump, the red numbers kept coming on the Excel sheet where I track all my action. One after another, almost every play I had went down. Baylor – Duke misses the over by four fucking points. South Carolina can’t handle fucking Kentucky. You know it was bad when my big win on the day was Purdue over Missouri and the hitting the over on Louisville-Clemson.
Clinton’s loss last fall was pretty epic, but imagine how bad it would have been if California had gone red. That’s what happened to me, both figuratively and literally. Not only did UCLA fuck me, but Stanford gagged on it against San Diego State, and Southern California could make an over against a Texas defense that couldn’t stop a Girl Scout troop from selling cookies.
All tolled, the J-Dub Gambling Challenge took the biggest single weekend hit in my nearly 30 years of betting on college football. After all the losses and the factoring in the “juice,” I managed to drop $1,648, leaving the bankroll at $3,643.
Sure, I took a bigger hit than Adrian Peterson’s kids, but unlike Hillary, I’ve got several more Saturdays to make a comeback.
Having said that, let’s get ready to gamble…
DISCLAIMER: Because gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir… and when it comes to gambling, I slice like Jack the Ripper working the deli coumter on crystal meth. That’s why this in no way, shape or form is a gambling advice column, and all “bets” are mythical in nature. In other words, don’t come crying to me when you lose your house payment betting real money like I’m “betting” Monopoly money.
- Utah (-3) at Arizona O/U 61 $50 Utah
- Virginia at Boise State (-7) O/U 51.5 $50 Boise State
- North Carolina State at Florida State (-7) O/U 51 $150 Florida State
- Texas Tech at Houston (-7) O/U 71.5 $75 Houston
- Army at Tulane (-2.5) O/U 44.5 $50 Army
- Central Florida at Maryland (-3.5) O/U 59.5 $150 Maryland
- Michigan (-10) at Purdue O/U 51 $50 Purdue, $100 Over
- Mississippi State at Georgia (-4.5) O/U 48.5 $100 Georgia
- Texas Christian at Oklahoma State (-13.5) O/U 71 $250 Oklahoma State
- Florida (-2) at Kentucky O/U 44.0 $100 Florida, $100 Over
- Penn State (-12.5) at Iowa O/U 52.5 $150 Penn State
- Hawaii at Wyoming (-7.0) O/U 57.5 $50 Wyoming
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
Boston College at Clemson (-34.5) O/U 53
$250 Over
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
West Virginia (-13) at Kansas O/U 70.5
$1,500 West Virginia
I had to do a screen-grab on that line, because I wanted proof that I hit some some sort of rip in the fabric of time to get this game at 13 points. I’m running like a thief in the night on that shit.
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I hit Miss St-Vandy two-teamer last week. Paid about 9:1.
This week, I’m thinking about betting every single NFL dog. I can make a (drunken) case for each one of them winning.
Just trying to figure out how I’m going to play ’em.
Maybe groups of twos, fours and fives.
Any suggestions?
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I stay off the NFL at all costs. That’s my suggestion.
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