What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
A few weeks back, the theme of this series was television icon Mr. Rogers and his “Word of the Day,” which was “non-cover winner.” If you recall, a “non-cover win” is when the team you bet on wins the game, but they didn’t cover the point spread.
If you didn’t recall that, don’t worry as Louisiana State head coach Ed Orgeron was here to remind you how gambling really works. In other words, Coach O didn’t bother reminding us about point spreads, over/unders and all that rot. He took his LSU Tigers as a seven-point underdog and through sheer force of will man-handled the J-Dub Gambling Challenge to the tune of a straight-up 27-23 beat-down of Auburn.
Granted Auburn wasn’t my only loser on Saturday, and frankly, Oklahoma was the poster-child for the “non-cover win.” But what Orgeron’s Tigers did to the Auburn Tigers in the second half last Saturday was nothing short of mythic.
To truly appreciate what happened in Baton Rouge, you have to understand why we here at Dubsism love Coach O. The guy is a veritable well-spring of blogger gold. The guy is part football coach and part Marine Corps recruiting poster all rolled into a Cajun version of the Incredible Hulk. It all goes back to his first head coaching gig at Ole Miss, where in the span of a single team meeting, Coach O demolished a chalkboard with his bare hands, threw a chair through a wall, referred to the Cotton Bowl as “bullshit,” called players who wore ear-rings “fucking pussy girls,” and capped it off by going full-on WWE by ripping his shirt off and challenging every “motherfucker” in the room to a fight.
If you’re inclined to think my impression of Orgeron is a bit of exaggeration, just check out this car commercial from back in the Ole Miss days. There’s way too much comedy gold in that baby to ignore. First of all, how do you not love Coach O’s “Buy a Hummer or I’ll fucking kill you” tone? He’s already got his shirt sleeves rolled up so your blood doesn’t get on his cuffs. Then, did you notice the hillbilly chase music in the background? They’re either trying to sell me a Hummer, or this is a really odd re-make of Macon County Line.
Let’s be honest. After the first quarter, my $500 on Auburn +7 looked pretty good with Auburn up 17 and moving the ball at will. Even at the half, I’m still up on the number even though LSU was closing the gap at 23-14.
But then half-time happened where I think it’s entirely possible that Coach O had a “Coach O” moment, because LSU played the second half like the last thing in the world they wanted to do was go back into that locker room to face a pissed-off and ready-to-fight Orgeron. They pitched a shutout in the second half, and tacked on 13 unanswered points in the 4th quarter, and just like that, my five Franklins disappeared under so much rage and bayou swamp water.
What it all boils down to is this…the J-Dub Gambling Challenge took another hit to the tune of $435, leaving it with a grand total of $2,730. In other words, the worst season ever in the history of the J-Dub Gambling Challenge trudges on, having lost almost half my money with almost half the season left to go.
Having said that, let’s get ready to gamble…
DISCLAIMER: Because gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir… and when it comes to gambling, I slice like Jack the Ripper working the deli coumter on crystal meth. That’s why this in no way, shape or form is a gambling advice column, and all “bets” are mythical in nature. In other words, don’t come crying to me when you lose your house payment betting real money like I’m “betting” Monopoly money.
The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:
Syracuse at Miami (FL) (-17) O/U 59.0 $50 Under
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
Southern California at Notre Dame (-3.5) O/U 60
$300 Southern California
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