What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
There’s really no bigger gamble than Thanksgiving. Think about it. If you live in my part of the world, the weather could be absolutely dreadful. If you’re like me, if the weather sucks, you get to go out in it just to end up in a room full of assholes you know you don’t like, and you’re pretty sure the feeling is mutual.
So now that we have the setting established, let’s talk about the tremendous risk you take eating poultry cooked by somebody else, let alone one of your in-laws you wouldn’t trust to tell you bacon is delicious, even though they have the astronomic triglyceride level and elastic-waist pants to prove they would know. Under-cooked turkey, oyster stuffing, or the fact one of their snot-nosed little brats turned the entire kitchen into a biological warfare experiment means you’ve got a solid shot at spending Thursday night emptying your entire alimentary canal into the porcelain bowl of regret.
That’s why when you think about it, losing a few dollars is much safer than getting a case of hookworm so bad your asshole looks like a living sunflower. So, forget about spending a Thursday with your asshole in-laws, only to have your asshole destroyed by their questionable cooking. Instead, let’s get ready to gamble…
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football. That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
Ohio State (-15) at Maryland O/U 58.5
$100 Ohio State
J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:
Michigan State (-1.5) at Nebraska O/U 48.5
$500 Michigan State
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