What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions

Ask a 70’s TV Sports Anchor – Boyd Bergquist’s Super Bowl Primer

EDITOR’S NOTE: Boyd Bergquist was the sports director at KETS-TV in East Tree Stump, Nebraska for almost 40 years.  Known across the Husker state as the voice of the Boy’s High School Basketball Tournament, Bergquist was a four-time winner of the Marv J. Butz “Golden Cob” Award For Excellence In Nebraska Broadcast Journalism.  That background, along with his quick if not cliché-riddled wit and love of single-malt scotch makes Bergquist a perfect fit to be our “Question” guy.

Here’s the deal gang. For the first time in what seems like forever, this Super Bowl features two teams that haven’t been there in a awhile.   Since you may not know much about either team, and since you may not have time to get to know them before the big game, here’s a few various pointers to help you decide which team you can get behind come Super Sunday!

1) Sports Movies Set In Each City

The Fan (1996, San Francisco) vs. Kansas City Bomber (1972, Kansas City)

To keep this short and sweet, in “The Fan” Robert Deniro plays a baseball fan who is also a deranged psychopath who has crossed the line into “obsessed stalker” territory. Meanwhile, Raquel Welch was an important part of my puberty, and she could certainly fill out a roller-derby uniform.

Advantage: Kansas City, because Robert Deniro never gave anybody a boner.

2) Most Famous Native Actor

Rob Riggle (Kansas City) vs. Clint Eastwood (San Francisco)

While Riggle was a U.S. Marine, Eastwood played one of the great Gunnery Sergeants of all time in “Heartbreak Ridge.” In other words, even though Riggle served his country, as an actor he’s still a hack. No matter how you slice it, Clint Eastwood is an icon. We also could have mentioned Jean Harlow for Kansas City, but the only people under the age of 90 who know her are the people who watch TCM…like me. Well, at least I used to be until those butt-plugs at Comcast took it away from me.

Gunnery Sergeant Thomas Highway would have had this situation squared away in no time.

Advantage: San Francisco for obvious reasons

3) Respective Football Stadiums

Arrowhead vs. Levi’s

Kansas City’s Arrowhead Stadium is one of the last “old-school” stadiums left in the NFL. It opened in 1972 and has yet to have one of stupid, money-grubbing  “corporate” names. Meanwhile, the 49ers play in a place named for crap blue jeans and it isn’t even in San Francisco.

Advantage: Kansas City, because Levi’s Stadium has all the charms of a Styrofoam cup.

4) Landmarks

The City of Fountains vs. The Golden Gate

Most people who have never been to Kansas City are surprised to learn of it’s wealth of fountains. Known as the “City of Fountains,” Kansas City boasts over 200 of these aquatic displays. But not one of those fountains are as iconic as the Golden Gate Bridge. How many movies, television shows, and songs feature that span?

Advantage: San Francisco

5) Songs

“I Left My Heart In San Francisco” vs. “Kansas City”

Being I’m a rock and roll guy at heart, and as a bass player and a huge Paul McCartney fan, you might think this is a slam-dunk. But nobody ever left their heart in Kansas City.

Advantage: San Francisco

6) Greatest Historical Player

Joe Montana vs. Len Dawson

This one’s pretty easy. They both played their college football in Indiana; Montana at Notre Dame and Dawson at Purdue. They both played in multiple Super Bowls and they are both in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. It all comes down to this…Joe Montana may have been known as “Joe Cool,” but he wasn’t “nailing a heater at halftime” cool.

Advantage: Kansas City

7) Food

America’s Barbecue Capital vs. A Cosmopolitan Cornucopia

There’s really no debating San Francisco is home to a dining experience to suit whatever whim you may have at any given moment. If you want something African, they’ve got you covered. Same deal if you want something European, and you can wash it all down with your fill of fine Napa Valley wine.

But this is America, and this is the Super Bowl…a de facto holiday in this country. That means if you have a Super Bowl party, and if you hand somebody a quinoa and kale croquette with a glass of chardonnay, I hope you get punched right in the mouth. If you serve anything other than beer and meat at a Super Bowl party, you are some sort of communist. It’s that simple.

When it comes to meat, there’s almost nothing more essentially American than barbecue, and three wonderful examples can be found in Kansas City. In fact, if you’re reading this and you live in the greater Kansas City, go get a take-out order from either Gates‘, Joe’s, or Arthur Bryant’s (your choice). I’ll grab a case of beer, an extra roll of paper towels, and I’ll be there in about 12 hours.

Advantage: Kansas City.

Got a question for our 70’s TY Sports Anchor? No question is “off-limits,” and no take is “too hot.” The only questions or comments Boyd Bergquist can’t handle are the one you don’t send him!

You can also send questions, comments, or if you just plain want to yell at us at dubsism@yahoo.com, @Dubsism on Twitter, or on our Pinterest,  Tumblr, Instagram, Snapchat or Facebook pages, and be sure to bookmark Dubsism.com so you don’t miss anything from the most interesting independent sports blog on the web.

About J-Dub

What your view of sports would be if you had too many concussions

3 comments on “Ask a 70’s TV Sports Anchor – Boyd Bergquist’s Super Bowl Primer

  1. Bobby DeNiro never gave anybody a boner?

    Why do I suddenly have this image of my penis looking up at me and saying… “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to ME?”


    • J-Dub
      January 30, 2020

      Are you saying your penis has a Mohawk? If so, you should sue the mohel who did your briss.


  2. Pingback: The Super Bowl, Groundhog Day, and “Ubiquitous Palindromes” | Dubsism

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This entry was posted on January 30, 2020 by in NFL, Sports and tagged , , , .

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