What your view of sports and life would be if you had too many concussions
Back in the day when boxing was still a major sport, there was always a heavyweight contender who was dubbed by the sports media the “Great White Hope.” Invariably this was a big, hard-punching palooka who could beat everybody in his path except the champ. The “poster child” for this came in the 1980s in the form of an Irish Brooklynite behemoth named Gerry Cooney.
Known for his devastating punching power, Cooney bludgeoned his way through the heavyweight ranks…right up until his shot at the title against defending champion Larry Holmes. The champ held the belt, but not before Cooney became notorious for having multiple points deducted from his score for punching below the belt.
The fact that Holmes held on to win that fight is nothing short of amazing. Think about it, gentlemen. We all cringe at those videos where some poor Dad takes an accidental shot in the junk from a three-year old wielding a harmless hollow whiffle-ball bat. We are all downright horrified when we see the typical skate-board kid give his balls the “lift and separate” effect on a stairway railing. But both of those pale in comparison to having a 245-pound Cro-Magnon in full wind-up land a knuckle-hammer with enough force to explode your dick like an over-cooked hot dog.
That Cooney-Holmes fight in 1982 may well have been one of the great heavyweight battles of it’s era, but it’s also a microcosm of the typical B1G Ten season. With precious few exceptions, each team in that conference can trot out enough heavyweight talent to do damage on any given Saturday. The problem is they spend so much time during the regular season breaking each other balls that they have nothing left in the tank when bowl season rolls around.
This is why gambling on the B1G Ten is really just an exercise in waiting to take one in the nuts. But we’ll lay our money down anyway; gamblers are nothing if not masochists. In other words, I’ve got my wallet and a hockey-goalie grade cup…so bring on the B1G Ten and let’s see what damage it does to the J-Dub Gambling Challenge bank-roll…which before today’s carnage stands at $5,639 on the season so far from the original 5K.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):
Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me for one over-arching reason.
Unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football; they are of no use to me. That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.
Having said that, let’s get ready to gamble…
Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably aske me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…
Iowa (-3.5) at Purdue O/U 53
$25 Iowa, $25 Under
We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the South Carolina Gamecocks.
*South Carolina at Louisiana State (-6) O/U 55
It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”
Kentucky (-3.5) at Missouri O/U 47
*P.P.S. After the results of today’s games there will be an explanation of how we goofed at the beginning of this season on The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ.
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