Three Thoughts on the College Football Play-Off
Later today, the College Football Play-Off Committee will announce the pigskin version of the “Final Four.” Even in a year where this task should be pretty easy, they’ll fuck it up because…well, that’s what they do. Now, I could be “that guy” who says shit like “If they would only listen to me,” but I’m a blogger, which by the very definition of the term means I believe that anyway.
Having established that, here’s a few salient points nobody on that committee cares to admit.
1) There’s four spots, but only three teams matter
Sorry sports fans, but that is a hard reality. The three best teams in this country right now are in this order:
- Ohio State
- Pick whoever you want to get a 40-point seal-clubbing by Alabama
2) The best of the rest
As far as the 4th spot is concerned, there’s three teams who can make a legitimate claim to it.
- Notre Dame: Overrated as usual. Brian Kelly must have incriminating photos of somebody, because once again his team showed what a house of cards Irish football is. In playing an ACC conference schedule, Notre Dame got fat on the Dukes and the Syracuses of the world, and for some reason everybody bought that fluke double-overtime win over a Trevor Lawrence-less Clemson as a sign of the return of Irish football. Last night was yet another example that Notre Dame simply does not belong on the field with top-tier teams. They were over-matched in every sense of the word, and that’s never going to change as long as Brian Kelly remains as the head coach.
- Oklahoma: The Sooners are what you would get is you cross-bred the Texas Longhorns with Notre Dame. When Sooner football is good, they are usually painfully overrated. When they’re not, Oklahoma fans suddenly become history majors and start telling tales of Bob Stoops, Barry Switzer, Bud Wilkinson or some other dead guy. As for this year’s team, their primary mission came yesterday. The Sooners had one job, which was to expose the nonsense that the very same Iowa State squad who got bum-rolled at home by Louisiana-Lafayette deserved a top-ten ranking. Despite the fact that Cyclone quarterback Brock Purdy became a coin-operated turnover machine, Oklahoma still managed to almost gag that game away. Had the Sooners lost that game, we very well might be talking about Iowa Fucking State in this play-off discussion. Let that sink in for a minute…
- Texas A&M: You have to wonder how long it will take Aggie Nation to realize what a “snake oil salesman” Jimbo Fisher is. Then again, I’m sure after realizing what a “bag of magic beans” they bought with Kevin Sumlin, Fisher’s load of fertilizer had to sound good. The fact is that in his entire coaching career, Fisher has ever only recruited one quarterback worth a shit, and even if you want to count Kellen Mond as a potential #2 (even though Fisher didn’t recruit him), do you really think he could lead the Aggies to victory in a rematch with Florida right now? Yeah, I don’t think so either.
3) Speaking of Florida…
When it comes to Gator head coaches, for every Urban Meyer or Steve Spurrier, there’s a Ron “Head-Butts Coke Machines” Zook or that straight-up goofy fuck Jim “Ol’ Yeller Teeth” McElwain. Then there’s Dan Mullen, who could go either way.
Here’s a guy who reminds me of a Phys. Ed. teacher I had who was never quite right again after he took a shot put in the head. What else can you say about a coach who after his team gets in a full-on brawl with Missouri shows up at the post-game presser as Darth Vader?
Here’s what I will say. Possibly brain-injured or not, Mullen has Florida football headed in the right direction, and if it weren’t for two bad losses to Texas A&M and LSU, we very well could be discussing the Gators in that 4th spot. If you doubt that, tell me which one of those three teams I just mentioned for that play-off spot could beat Florida today?
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