The J-Dub Gambling Challenge 2021: Week 2 – The Brazilian Steakhouse Edition

Now that the appetizer of the stupidly-named “Week Zero” is behind us, it’s time to carve into the “red meat” of the gambling season. In short, last week’s initial taste of wagering in 2021 was a sweet one; with only four games on which to place bets, there was still a nice bit of fatting up. With a net profit of $228, the bankroll enters the “real” start of the season at $5,228.

But this is the time of year when there’s more of a challenge than just trying to cash winners. If you are not familiar with the dining concept known as Churrascaria (Brazilian steakhouse) it can be described in three words: “pure carnivorous delight.”

Upon entering such a place, two things hit you immediately. The first is a straight-up olfactory gut-punch; you can’t help but notice the aromas of several different cuts of meat being cooked on skewers over an open flame to sizzling perfection. Once cooked, roaming gauchos bring these meats right to your table still sizzling on the skewers and slice them straight on to your plate.

But before you get to your table, you’re going to pass a “salad” bar which is worth the price of admission in it’s own right. Sure, there’s just enough greenery for it to be called a “salad” bar, but it offers so much more than that. From the Presunto or Jamón Ibérico (cured ham), Pão de Queijo (cheese bread), and cheeses like Queijo Minas or Queijo de Coalho, one could easily eat their fill on that alone.

That’s exactly the same challenge faced by the dedicated college football gambler. If you blow it all on the appetizer/salad bar, you won’t get to the “red meat” on the skewer that is the heart of the conference schedule. And if you got to a Churrascaria and don’t clog your colon with Churrasco, Picanha, and Linguica de Porco…well that’s just like not cashing in on those tasty, tasty lines during the gambling season…it’s all wasted opportunity.

Not to mention, there’s nothing like a giant pitcher of Caipirinhas for celebrating or drowning your sorrows.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER (mandated by our very own Small Town Pizza Lawyer):

Thanks to the Supreme Court, gambling is no longer illegal at Bushwood, sir. However, the Supreme Court can’t really help me unless one of them is willing to keep Mrs. J-Dub from braining me with a cast-iron skillet if she found out how many dimes I’m dropping on college football.

That means that as far as she knows, all wagers are mythical in nature and this is in no way, shape, or form a gambling advice column. In other words, if you lose your own “real” money, that’s nobody’s fault but yours, so don’t yell at me when we meet at the plasma center on Monday.

If you think you have a gambling problem, go find the 800 number on your own. I’m not a goddamn public service announcement.

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The Standard Plays

• Ohio State (-14) at Minnesota O/U 64.5 $50 Ohio State
• North Carolina (-6.5) at Virginia Tech O/U 66.5 $75 North Carolina, $75 Under
• Michigan State at Northwestern (-7.5) O/U 46.5 $25 Michigan State, $25 Under
• Penn State at Wisconsin (-3.5) O/U 53.5 $50 Penn State
• West Virginia (-4.5) at Maryland O/U 54.5 $100 West Virginia
• Indiana at Iowa (-5.5) at Iowa O/U 47 $75 Iowa, $75 Over
• Syracuse at Ohio (PICK) O/U 57.5 $100 Syracuse
• Georgia at Clemson (-4) O/U 53.5 $50 Clemson, $50 Under
• Louisiana State (-4.5) at UCLA O/U 69.5 $50 Under
• Brigham Young (-9.5) at Arizona O/U 57.5 $50 Arizona
• Nevada at California (-3) O/U 52.5 $125 California
• Louisville at Mississippi (-7.5) O/U 80.5 $100 Mississippi

The Almost Always Punitive Purdue Bet

Since I live in the heart of Big Ten country, almost literally in the shadow of Ross-Ade stadium, those around me who know I’m a gambler will invariably ask me about the Boilermakers, so I might as well bet on them…

Oregon State at Purdue (-5.5) O/U 64.5 $50 Under

The Dubsism College Football Heavyweight Champ Bet:

We went back to the very first college football game in 1869, and the premise is simple…you’re the champ until somebody beats you. The current champion is the Alabama Crimson Tide.

Alabama (-17.5) at Miami (FL) O/U 62.5 $50 Over

J-Dub’s Payday of the Week:

It’s like the game says…the idea is to hang on to your cash. That means this is the “big play” of the week; the one that should make today “Payday.”

Notre Dame (-7.5) at Florida State O/U 54.5

$250 Notre Dame

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